Dating: How To Approach A Girl

Inspired by the man who wouldn’t get out of my way in the mall last week, I’ve compiled a list of ways you absolutely should NOT try to pick up someone you’re attracted to.  Hoping to bring women together with these examples & a heads up for any guy reading, this list should come in handy for all!

(And don’t worry, I added a list of things you SHOULD do to pick up someone you’re attracted to, I don’t leave anyone hanging.)

I understand most people reading are women, so join in on the conversation or share like wildfire among your male companions.  After all, men should be getting this advice from us women right?  Who knows women better than… women!  If for nothing else, it’s a good story time, ha!

Like I mentioned, my inspo came when I was walking through the mall last week by myself & a huge guy saw me coming from far down the long hallway.  When he analyzed the environment, I knew what his agenda was, I could see the strategy in his eyes.  As I got a little closer he very slowly started to turn around, as if talking to an invisible someone behind him, his back was now facing me.  *Oh no, he must not be able to see I’m coming that way.*  He made himself bigger, stretching across the hallway, especially in the direction I would be passing.  Since I’m a genie & knew his strategy, I tried to make the biggest horseshoe possible in a hallway, nearly hugging the wall as I picked up my pace – leaving no room for an accidental bump + apology.  I made it by, only lightly sweeping shoulders with him, and was too fast for him to say start an apology conversation.

But at this moment, I time traveled back to being single.  More specifically, trying to meet guys in real life.  The times at the EMPTY bar where a guy would come stand behind me & start pushing his back against mine so he could quickly turn around to apologize & whoops, have a conversation!  Needless to say, I always thought about the many mistakes guys made, how easy it could’ve been for them, & how badly I wished to advise them.  In my mind, it seemed so obvious & easy.  Or at least, extremely easy to figure out what NOT to do!

5 Ways You Should NOT Approach A Girl:

1. DO NOT, ask a girl friend to do it. I’ve been approached by girls, w their guy friend watching nearby…??  Here’s the deal, girls don’t want to talk to other girls if they’re on the prowl from a new man.  And what single girl isn’t?  Guys must think a girl approaching a girl is more friendly & less intimidating – especially because we live in a society with pervs, psychos, murderers & creeps.  But here’s the trick, don’t be a perv or creep.   Also, how silly do you look sending a girl over to do your work?  That’s a hard NO.
2. DO NOT, get blackout drunk first. It’s such a relief being approached by a guy who isn’t SUPER drunk.  I can understand a drink may help loosen your nerves, but if you’re looking to hit on a girl, especially one that isn’t blackout drunk… and you’re wanting to actually pursue her, you shouldn’t be shhhwasted either.  Highly annoying. Party hard if you want to, but that’s not the best time to approach the girl of your dreams.
3. DO NOT, say something mean. You would think this is obvious.  I can’t tell you how many times I was out with my girlfriends & a guy approaches us saying something SO rude we had to pay attention.  I guess that was his way of starting a conversation?  Being impossible to ignore?  I have so many examples of this it makes me laugh in disbelief.  Do NOT be an asshole!! And actually, take that advice for every aspect of your life.  Even if the girl isn’t interested, there’s no reason to be mean afterward.  This is bizarre behavior, generally speaking.    This includes talking shit about other girls in the room, I’ve had guys approach me by saying something rude about a nearby girl or friend thinking it would make me feel better about myself?  This is a NO.  And if a girl is into that behavior, she ain’t the one.
4. DO NOT, talk about yourself. If you talk to a girl & do it right, you’ll have plenty of time to talk about yourself later, because trust me she’ll be interested.  When you FIRST approach a girl, talk about HER.  Shut up about yourself & ask the woman a few questions – What she’s doing, her weekend plans, if she’s local or visiting, what she loves, her fav movie, if she has a dog or cat, if she’s single.  Be interested!  DO NOT talk about yourself when you first approach a girl, we already know, you’re so cool.
5. DO NOT, bump into her. My entire inspiration for this post!  Don’t bump into her, but this also means – don’t get in her way, don’t knock her friends over, don’t wave & hit her in the face.  Stay the fuck out of her way.  You’re dealing with the most powerful species on the planet earth.  A romantic, apology conversation can stick to the movies, it absolutely does not transfer to real life.  For the record, I did confirm with more than one guy that this is an actual strategy & I’m flabbergasted.  NO.

5 Ways You SHOULD Approach A Girl:

1. DO, offer to buy her a drink. Chivalry is not dead.  I don’t know why this simple act of buying a lady a drink or coffee is somehow skipped, but how stupid.  And if you do buy a girl a drink, that’s not a handcuff. Hopefully, you’ll find good women that will accept the drink only if they’re interested in chatting a little.  But, feel free to give her space after that! Maybe she wanted to have a night out with her friends so pass your number along & get out of the way.  Consider it a nice introduction & you’ll be in touch later.
2. DO, say something nice.  If you approach a girl by saying something simple, honest & nice – you don’t need much more than that.  Anywhere, anytime.  Yes, you can approach her & drop a kind word & see what happens next!  I know it’s awkward & uncomfortable.  My GIRLfriend did this one day while we were having lunch.  She saw a guy nearby that she thought was cute, walked over to him, had a little conversation & left her number.  I thought she was absolutely crazy, but she dated that guy for a while!
3. DO, have confidence. Do NOT be full of yourself, but be confident.  Be confident enough to approach a woman w genuine interest.  Be confident enough to ask her questions. Be confident to know you might be rejected, and that’s ok.  Be confident enough to be nervous & able to push through the nerves!  Be confident to know she might have a boyfriend but you landed on a nice compliment.
4. DO, laugh. Another really easy one, be humble.  Know that it’s okay to make fun of yourself, your nerves, the situation, the girl you’re talking to.  Dating is pretty tough & finding the right person has to be even harder, so make sure you’re honest with the nerves.  I never went on a 2nd date with a guy who took me too seriously.  I’m a freaking goofball & say crazy shit, if a guy can’t laugh at me a little, then what’s he looking at?  Nothing in life is that serious, especially when it comes to dating.  Even if you’re talking to your dream girl, you can still crack an innocent joke.
5. DO, make eye contact.  If all else fails – you’re not brave enough to approach a random girl at the coffee shop, you don’t know what else to do, but you feel like you have to do something because the girl of your dreams is in front of you – make eye contact.  See if her eyes linger w yours.  A little eye contact can give you the confidence you need to make a move.  Trust me, eye contact is way less invasive than BUMPING into her. If her eyes linger take it as a sign she’s interested, but if they dart away either try again or consider her taken!

I have to admit, I didn’t see this post going in the direction of a dating consultant for men but I guess it’s something I needed to get off my chest.  HA!  I used to pretend I was on The Bachelor & set up a date every Thursday night.  It was a fun routine that I highly recommend because it made me comfortable w them.

(Although this list was geared more towards a fun conversation among us ladies & pretty specific pointers for men, I also have a handful of tips for ladies!  Unplanned, but I might bring that into the mix soon, it’s fun!)

Now ladies, share the ways you feel comfortable being approached & the stories from times that did NOT work.  Let’s make this post something the guys can get all the tips from :p . If you’re online dating, definitely chime in!  The closest I got to that was eHarmony, remember this (here)? UGH.

Have a great week & be thoughtful,

Xx

Shop Date Night: