2 Rules for Single Ladies Trying to Go On A Date
I can hardly call it fair to tell the guys how NOT to approach a woman without giving the women a little accountability as well. As much as women want to push off the pressure to connect, we have some responsibility in our own matching making too.
I will preface this by saying I’m no expert at dating, especially dating in today’s world. These 2 Rules are going to sound incredibly simple but I found them to be helpful when I was single, & even today while being in a relationship. If you’re not single, try applying these rules to relationships & interactions you have on a daily basis, I still do.
2 Rules For Single Ladies Trying to Go On A Date
Rule ONE: Be Approachable
I can hardly think of a time that I was rude to anyone that approached me. I noticed a lot of other girls had no problem being sharp or rude to anyone that approached them or their group of friends, but that was never me. Maybe because I never had a lot of friends, but always wanted them? I know what it feels like to be rejected. I translated what I learned from friendships to relationships.
I put myself in a guy’s shoes. Can you imagine trying to approach someone you’re attracted to? Imagine you see your sexiest crush across the bar or in the same class or at a restaurant. He’s your idea of a dream & butterfly’s creep in your tummy. You’re fantasizing & it makes sense. You’ll probably never see him again but that’s what you want so badly to do. So, you have to approach him. This shining ray of sunshine. Imagine that pressure? You have a spark in your heart & doubt creeping in your mind. Should you, shouldn’t you? And I always thought, you should.
When I was single, I hoped that dreamy guy would introduce himself to me! I mean of course, right? Imagine THAT guy in the room approaches, you!
But that also means, I can’t expect the not-so-dreamy guys to do the same. How are they supposed to know what category they fall in from across the room. In their eyes, YOU’RE the dream & they want to get a conversation started.
Always be kind when a guy is brave enough to introduce himself to you.
There were a few scenarios that allowed me to understand being approachable. One time, I was living in the Dominican Republic & talking w the women there. They loved when guys approached them, or even whistled at them, or called them beautiful – they saw it to be flattering. Even married women! They didn’t bitch, complain, or be rude to any guy that showed interest. They thanked them, very flattered, & moved on.
Another time, I had a girlfriend in college that APPROACHED A GUY. This showed me how difficult it was to do! We were at a restaurant/bar & there was a group of guys that were sitting at another large table across from ours. Picture me, I was totally shocked & my face showed it. Making a move like that was literally not even an option my mind would create, but I found major excitement in watching her. She eventually walked over to him, introduced herself quickly, and left a napkin with her number. They later went on a few dates so I would consider it a successful mission.
Then, when I got just a little older I had another friend show me how confident & strong it looked to appreciate a man approaching you, saying thank you, having a brief conversation & moving on. I could see her confidence shine in those moments & wanted to be like her. Even if a guy fumbled his words or did something weird – she never laughed at them. She was always patient & kind, reminding me that they’re more nervous than she is. And in being that way, she looked confident, strong & most importantly in control.
Rule TWO: Practice Dating
Going on dates, meeting guys, approaching someone, having conversations, small talk – it all takes PRACTICE! I knew I needed to get better at this when I found myself being the only single one in my group of friends. I no longer had the luxury of being a sidekick & floating under mis amigas wings, waiting for them to round up the hotties. (LOL, unfortunately so rare.) Their wings were at home, cuddled on the couch with their new bae!
I hated small talk, I hated meeting new people, I hated trying to date… Until I changed my mindset. I literally told myself as I was sitting at my desk one morning at this bull shit job I had – “I LOVE MEETING NEW PEOPLE”. I then walked into the nearby offices & told my coworkers. I told them to set me up! Get me on a date! I love it! I started going on a date once a week & with each date got more comfortable.
I told myself I was on the Bachelorette. Thursday nights were my “Bachelorette Date Nights”. Would I give him a rose? Having that mindset sounds funny, but it took the pressure off myself to like the person. It was ok to go on a date, have a nice time, & never see the person again if that’s how it ended. Eventually, I looked forward to my Thursday date nights. I enjoyed the stories some of them brought, the diverse way a guy plans a date night, & the new personalities I got to meet. But most importantly, I loved the practice I was getting in a social setting. I was able to walk into a date super confident, have the best time, & feel comfortable handling my own in conversations. But that took work for someone like me! Practice!
If you’re single, I highly recommend this “Bachelor Date Night” on your Thursday evenings. It doesn’t ruin your weekend plans but it’s late enough in the week to relax & enjoy it. I took away SO much from these dates. It’s one of the proudest moves I made in my 20’s because of the social practice I received.
That’s it! Only 2 rules for girls trying to date!
You might be thinking, where was Wafiq all this time you were dating? I knew him since I was in college. Well, that’s a GREAT QUESTION. I love bringing it up because it’s payback for his immaturity. Wafiq was busy in a “Bro’s before Hoe’s” situation. Very frustrating. I’d be happy to share more of our story if you’re interested, but be prepped, it needs some space & understanding. HA!
OK LADIES LETS GET INTO FORMATION. I hope this helps anyone single! I also hope it low key helps the guys? I finished the Beyonce documentary on Netflix, “Homecoming”. I know often times there are trends & people get popular by accident – but Beyonce is no accident. She’s the real deal. I watch her perform & I’m in awe of such a powerful woman that has incredibly strong, opinionated, vulgar, powerful, lyrics. Just fuck yes to all of it. The whole package? I’ve purchased.
Have a great week everyone!! Love you a looooooot.
Be thoughtful
Xx
**Dating: How to Approach A Girl (HERE)
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