1 Year With No Alcohol & 4 Things I Learned

I went 1 year with no alcohol & learned a few things.  But I love alcohol.  I love the way a glass of red wine accompanies a piece of chocolate cake or The Bachelor.  I love the way that first glass of wine eases into a conversation with a group of girlfriends.  I miss it.

I’ve hesitated writing this post for a while (& am still debating it) because I used to make fun of this person.  The one who brags about not drinking, like how fucking boring.  And honestly, I hated sober people promoting being sober.  Please shut the fuck up & let me enjoy my best friend alcohol.  Thank you.  I never trusted a sober person either, someone who NEVER drank? Because how can you be that uptight?  (I might still believe that.)

I stopped drinking when I had Anaphylactic Shock 2 years ago.  I was on a strict diet for 12 weeks & alcohol was NOT on the menu.  I was emotionally attached to drinking at the time.  There was nothing better than a glass of wine!  I was SO sad. (I was also emotionally attached to food, but that’s another story.)  After 12 weeks with no alcohol, I tried drinking again, a few times.  But I noticed it didn’t feel the same.  I hated even a slight hangover in the morning.  And let’s be honest, 1 drink always flows into 2 or 3 drinks and 1 night a week turns into 2 or 3 nights a week and so on and so forth.

I don’t have to explain this was a toss-up we probably all experience – Is the hangover worth it?

Ultimately, I decided rarely.

So in the past 2 years, I’ve probably had 5 drinks total?  If even…

I hesitated writing this entire post because I don’t want being sober to define me.  I would drink if I wanted to.  Also, it’s not a choice I’m making because of a trend, experiment or requirement – it’s turned into my lifestyle.   With alcohol, you have to check the box.  You drink or you’re sober.  That becomes part of your description.  She’s blond, blue eyes, white, & she doesn’t drink.

But somehow, this whole thing started as a diet restriction & turned into preference, so here we go.

1 Year with No Alcohol & 4 Things I Learned

Alcohol is EVERYWHERE

Holy. Shit. As soon as you STOP drinking you become hyper-aware of how much alcohol is advertised to us.  Turn on the news, did you hear about a new happy hour?  Open Instagram, did you see the newest brewery opening?  Your favorite TV show, how about the beautiful tall wine glass the main character drinks in every episode?  OR, have you gone to a bridal shower, baby shower, taco Tuesday, weekend getaway, birthday party, wedding, housewarming, happy hour, networking event, store opening, wine Wednesday, or a get together recently?  Alcohol.  What about those beautiful whiskey glasses, long stem wine glasses, or the cute bubbly champaign glasses?  If not those, the winery down the road with the beautiful scenery?  The shiny temperature-controlled alcohol refrigerator?  Or the cute bar cart that you can pimp out with every alcohol accessory listed above. Alcohol, alcohol, alcohol.  How can you not want to get in on that?

I used to think you had to have alcohol to loosen up, to have better conversations, “to get the deal done”, to dance at the wedding, to celebrate.  Now, I’m a little concerned that entire concept was a genius marking scheme some of the first alcohol companies created.   Alcohol enhancing an event is an illusion for me.  It actually does the opposite, blurring through some of the good parts & making me self conscious in the others.  When I’m sober, my conversations have more foundation. I’ve also been able to work through social anxiety clear-minded.  & I DANCE.  I dance because I don’t fucking care.  When I was drinking, I was almost nervous to dance expressively (aka wildly) because people would blame it on the alcohol, which I hated.  When I’m sober, I feel free.  They can’t blame it on anything but my free spirit, and I let it wave wildly! Oftentimes, via dance. I feel like I can do or say whatever I want because it’s 100% me.

Alcohol consumes TIME

If you’re looking for the main reason I pass on drinks these days, this is it.  I can handle a hangover, but I can’t handle wasting time.  I realized how many memories are wasted & how much time disappears due to alcohol.  After a year of being sober, this reason has made the most significant impact.  And I learned this from being around people drinking, while I’m sober.  I’m incredibly present & invested in every conversation I have while I’m sober.  I’ll meet people & have the best time getting to know them.  We talk about life, decisions, careers, family, dogs, death, happiness.  I leave the conversation on cloud 9.  You know how you feel when you click with certain people right away?  Those are the best nights of my life.  The next time I see them, they remember pieces of it.  Or they blow it off because they were buzzed & maybe don’t remember?  Or maybe they regret being so vulnerable?   So, we have to start over after a few drinks.  We start from the beginning to have the same conversations, over & over & over again.  Another version of this is being around people drinking while you’re sober, and they repeat themselves over & over & over again.  Or tell the same stories night after night.  Or repeat the same mistakes & arguments time & time again.  TIME is the most precious resource we have.  Alcohol wastes it.  Whether you’re slightly hungover in the mornings & feel like shit.  Or you’re blurring through conversations with family & friends. All that nonsense is time wasted, and I just don’t want to waste it anymore.

On the other side of the coin, I’ve noticed when you stop drinking you have an abundant amount of TIME.  Likeee, were there always this many hours in the day!?  How are the days so long and the weeks even longer?  What are you supposed to do with an entire Friday, Saturday, and Sunday?  This is too much!  Wide awake & vibrant?  Or an entire vacation that you’re fully present in!?  The vacation feels double the days, what are you supposed to talk about?  At times, this is annoying.  I’ve honestly struggled to find “fun” things to do because drinking was always the fun – (ie., happy hours, hanging with the girls, a pool bbq, brunch, date night, vacations, vineyards.)   But finding new sources of fun isn’t the worst problem in the world so I’ll take it.

Skipping Alcohol is COMPLICATED

I noticed pregnant people announce over & over again “I’m not drinking yet so have fun without me!” or “only 3 months & I’ll be drinking with you!”.  So they get a PASS.  Alcoholics usually have a convo about recovery, so they’re oftentimes not even offered a drink.  So they get a PASS.  As I sit down at the table with people having these proclamations, I ask myself am I supposed to announce something too?  “Hello, I’m not going to drink tonight either.”  That feels weird.  But if you’re going to any gathering, people want you to drink.  They want you to… celebrate.  If you show up & you’re not drinking?  It’s almost as if you’re betraying the host.  You’re letting people down.

Choosing not to drink is a curveball.  After my 12-week diet was done, I decided to enter any situation asking MYSELF if I wanted a drink.  NOT letting the environment decide for me.   I quickly realized it stops becoming YOUR choice if you want a drink and it quickly becomes the “time & place” making the decisions.  It’s my birthday, it’s your best friend’s bachelorette party, it’s a date night with your boyfriend, but it’s a vacation, or a wedding or celebration!  Before you know it, every single event is deciding you should be drinking.  Well, I decided… I’ll decide.  So for the past 2 years I actually assume I’ll want to have a drink, everywhere I go.  “Would you like a drink?”  But I ask MYSELF and I’ve been answering, no.

Saying No To Alcohol Boosts CONFIDENCE

Yooo, wtf.  This is my newest alcohol discovery.   I was so nervous to pass on alcohol for a long time, especially at like a wedding? Eeeeeeek. & now I’m proud of myself for being able to step back.  Not letting my surroundings choose what I do, instead making my own decision.  If that decision is no, I’m confident in it now & ultimately that makes me feel pretty dang proud.   My excuse?  (as if I need one) I’m passing because I want to be present.  Give all my attention, time, energy, and memories to the night.  BOOM.  That’s hard to argue, even with myself.  Ultimately, I decided to share this post because there have been a few times that I’ve confidentially turned down drinks that have been heavily persuaded for me, I saw relief in people’s eyes around me.  Realizing, they don’t have to drink either.  whaaat?!  If I have to put myself out there to make someone else feel comfortable?  Sign me up!  That’s why I share my mental health journey, if it’ll help one other person feel better, then happily!  Same with saying no to alcohol, I’ll take one for the team, pass, grab that attention, and let you sit back confidently too.  Because if you don’t want to drink, you don’t have to.  And you don’t need a reason to say no.

Another thing to note, you’re slightly NUMB with alcohol (we all know that, that’s why we like it, mmkay).  But when you’re sober it’s almost like a new drug, one that feels everything, all the time.  Go to a wedding for the first time, sober.  Go to a bar for the first time, sober.  You’ll FEEL everything.  I’m not saying the sober drug is good, but it’s a trip.

I want to mention, all those times you’ve been brainwashed to think you have to drink: vacations, weddings, date nights, girls night, bachelorette parties, networking events, holiday parties, brunch, pool parties, Friday nights, weekends, ect.  As someone who loves a glass of wine, I’ve done ALL of those things sober.  And I can confidently say, they’re better sober.  BETTER.  (LOL at me, I know.) Because I remember every single thing, I invest in my conversations, I love truly love the people I’m with, I’m more present than ever before.  I’m awake & I’m there.  You all know this is my year of LOVE, and being sober has allowed me to love 24/7 without blurry goggles.  This love is real, my creepy hugging & words of affection are 100% genuinely me.  I’m there for you.  And me.  Everyday.  Clear as can be.

As for anything, things can change.  Maybe I’ll get to a time in my life where alcohol has more of a place, but for now, this is it.  Choosing whether I want a drink or not.

That’s all I have for now!  Stay tuned… this drinking conversation is a work in progress for me.  I hope I sounded gentle.

Love you!

Be thoughtful

Xx

Eyes on Fall: