funny

May 14, 2019

Thoughts I’ll Someday Regret | Version 1

I decided to start sharing a few of the 1 million random thoughts I have throughout the day.  You’ll either explore the thought w me or immediately get a clue of what I’m dealing with when it comes to my brain.

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September 29, 2017

My First Dating App Pic & A Little Dating History…

Last week I did something a little anxiety provoking by logging onto Facebook & scrolling through years of pictures.  I don’t use Facebook very much anymore, and have never been a die-hard Facebooker.  For a few years after graduating college I deleted my Facebook all together.  No matter how much mind control you have, scrolling through a feed of highlights from everyone else’s life takes its toll on you.  I felt myself questing decisions I was making & comparing, comparing, comparing! – so I let Facebook go. At the time it was fantastic.  Since then I’ve rarely been using it & do my best not to get sucked into scrolling through my feed.

Ok, so this leads me to the other night, I stalked myself.  I wanted to see what was up with Miss Katie in her good ol Facebook days.  Years ago Facebook used to be a place where people posted full albums of a night out, dinner, vacation, dog, friend, time at the park.  Not 1 photo, but an album of 50.   These days Facebook is more business-y? And people sharing articles.  Instagram took over photos I think.  So I stalked back to the days of albums.  I should continue by saying, I don’t like erasing past decisions, which is why I try not to delete anything that I posted myself.  If I wanted to post it at the time, that’s how I was living life! OUI!

I felt pretty good after stalking.  Solid life experiences I’ve been documenting.

BUT THEN, I came across this photo of myself on my apartment balcony and immediately remembered.  MY FIRST DATING APP PHOTO.  I think I was 21?  Somewhere around there, and guys I put so much effort into this photo! The outfit, the lighting, the smile, the head tilt!  Probably even the nails…  I remember getting this shirt for $5 at Forever 21 & I never loved anything more.

My one & only dating app picture – on E Harmony
I put myself on EHarmony.  EHarmony at 22.  I remember feeling like the guys I was meeting on my own weren’t interested in anything more than going to church with their parents on Sunday mornings OR binge drinking on Monday nights.  Not for me you know, can we land somewhere in the middle?  So EHarmony (and blind dates) were my jam.  I pretended I was on The Bachelor and had a new date every week, on Thursday nights.  I had that system running for a long time…  Thursday was perfect by the way, the date didn’t interrupt one of my already planned fun weekend nights but was late enough in the week to actually relax & enjoy the night. Highly recommend setting up a similar schedule if you’re single.

The problem with Eharmony was that no one wanted to date me.  I think I was too young for the site?  One of the dates that I landed was with this guy that met me for appetizers.  He barely spoke & I don’t think listened to anything I said.  But I was so excited for this date!  I remember that. I can’t remember why, I think because he was older and it made me feel like he had to be more mature & maybe potential for a 2nd date??  Well we ate the apps, he took me to a nearby bar, and I saw a smile for the first time of the night when he looked up for the first eye contact of the evening and asked “what my sexual preferences were”.

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September 12, 2017

What Do You Think A Shelled Sunflower Seed Is?

Holy shit!  Almost literally. I was scared to go to the bathroom the morning after I ate those fucking sunflower seed shells.  I know that’s all you’re wondering, how was my poo poo.  Well, ladies and gentleman I’m relieved to report everything flowed normally… so far.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about you didn’t see my Insta Story. I’ve been trying new cookbooks & have recently been using the Naturally Nourished recipes.  I went for a casserole recipe the other night & noticed one of the ingredients was “shelled sunflower seeds”.  To me, this meant in-shell.  I was in Trader Joe’s googling “Shelled Sunflower Seeds” with results showing sunflower seeds, IN SHELLS.  Confirming my thoughts that the recipe had to mean sunflower seeds, in their shell.

Does baking a shell of any seed make sense? No it doesn’t. But neither did putting bulbs of garlic in green juice to cure my shingles, but it worked.  My mind told me no. My gut told me yes. To pursue & discover this new secret vegan ingredient, sunflower seed shells.

I blended about 1/4 Cup of sunflower seeds, in their shells. I did have a moment of hesitation after noticing the sunflower seed shells weren’t grinding down very well.  After persistence, I sprinkled the crumbs onto my casserole and baked.

Sunflower seed shells are a softer shell, okay?  I ate them as a child.  I know.  So I thought, maybe baking them would create a soft, crunchy crust.  Clearly wrong.

THIS WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA. And likely unsafe. Therefore, don’t do it. Shelled means unshelled. I don’t understand it still, and probably never will, but what the hell, learned something new.  In my defense, in another recipe from the book it asked for “Pistachios, out of their shell” which is why I assumed if that’s what they meant w/sunflower seeds they would’ve said it the same way?

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April 27, 2017

The Story Of: The Time I Found Out Aliens Are Real

I was in my office last week and a friend came running through the doors looking for a guy to help them. (Of course, she was not looking for me in this situation, you’ll understand why later.)  She seemed a little more frantic than normal so I asked what happened.  She said there was a bug outside in the hallway.  I thought that was interesting because she’s not afraid of bugs. And she didn’t mention what type of bug. Are we talking spider, cockroach, beetle? In my almighty moment I told her I would go take a look – I’ve recently made truce with large spiders & felt I could at the very least monitor a cockroach while we wait for someone to get it, worst case scenario.

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March 25, 2014

First day at a new job kind of story…

BUT I ran out. I literally grabbed my purse and ran out of the office.

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