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funny

Story Telling - Aliens
Life, Story Telling

The Story Of: The Time I Found Out Aliens Are Real

Did You Know?  “To prevent competitors from also inseminating female mates, some male insects stay latched to the female for days on end. The male Indian stick insect, Necroscia sparaxes, has the record in scientific literature at 79 days.”

( v i a )


Hi everyone!

I have a horrific story to share…

Aliens DO exist & I now, know this for a fact.

Story Telling - Aliens

I was in my office last week and a friend came running through the doors looking for a guy to help them. (Of course, she was not looking for me in this situation, you’ll understand why later.)  She seemed a little more frantic than normal so I asked what happened.  She said there was a bug outside in the hallway.  I thought that was interesting because she’s not afraid of bugs. And she didn’t mention what type of bug. Are we talking spider, cockroach, beetle? In my almighty moment I told her I would go take a look – I’ve recently made truce with large spiders & felt I could at the very least monitor a cockroach while we wait for someone to get it, worst case scenario.

 

I went out into the hallway & a saw an alien sprinting down the wall, where the floor meets the bottom of the wall.  This mother fucker had more than 1,000 legs and was a foot long.  A centipede the size of a ruler with a 1 inch body circumference (1 INCH THICK BODY!), I’m not even talking how far it’s legs spread.    Dark color. Fast.  Agile. And foreign.  Unfortunately, I am NOT exaggerating.

 

I ran back into my office, called the 2 guys nearby and told them there was a bug in the vicinity.  I should have specified Alien because they took too long to get to the hallway and the alien proceeded to run toward the elevator shaft for safety. There wasn’t a chance in hell I was getting in it’s way either. My friend did run towards it & tried waving it away from the elevator, when said Alien lifted half it’s body & legs in the air as a warning to step the fuck away.

 

Now.  I’ve had many run ins with bugs before & am familiar with their strategies.  That asshole wasn’t going far down the elevator shaft to find a new home, he was waiting right inside it for his perfect getaway.  I tried to warn the people.  “Back away!  It’s right inside the shaft, it’s going to come back out & it can sprint!”  No one took me seriously.  They stood INSIDE the elevator to look down the shaft to search for the alien… NOT A GOOD IDEA PEOPLE.  That alien showed an entire side of tentacles out the side of the elevator shaft and everyone screamed louder than the fire alarms as they bursted out the elevator doors & quickly ran out of the entire building.  No one looked confident anymore.  The guys were panicking.  In this moment, thank God for gender roles.

 

It was at this point, everyone knew the severity of the situation.

 

Long story short, we ended up trying to electrocute the alien & then poison it with toxic spray – neither worked, of course, it has fucking alien powers.  One of the guys ended up finding a trash picker and was able to grab the alien & remove him.  It was necessary to kill it before questioning.

 

I will say, every single person was flabbergasted.  At a loss for words.  Because it did prove life beyond Earth is very real.  And it doesn’t conform to our standard of delightful by any means.

 

I’m still unable to put my feet down while sitting at my chair & am constantly on the lookout for other large aliens here on Earth.  I had vomit at the tip of my throat all day after my run in with this creature. I used to be afraid of large, flying cockroaches – I had no idea.

 

Be on guard today… and be thoughtful,

 

Xx


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Personal Updates, Thoughts

First day at a new job kind of story…

I have a funny story.  Or at least I think it’s funny, I’m just not confident I can translate it into writing, but I’ll give it a go. There’s a couple of you over in the States I would die laughing with after telling this so I think I have to give it a shot…

Here it starts.

Today was my second day of work in the office I’m assigned to.  Of course starting work is always a bit intimidating, especially in real estate or probably any other sales job.  You’re walking into an office with people that see you as the new competition.  And for me in Dubai, I’m new competition, new to the country, and new to working with all these different cultures.  Anyways, I made it through my first day smoothly… (Until I left work. I got lost in the 2 elevators it apparently takes to get to my car by getting on a 3rd elevator that was a service elevator?  And a construction worker had to escort me to my vehicle because I couldn’t figure out the simplest task of pushing the buttons inside the elevator after my nerves were flustered so bad.. Can someone say loser?!)

Back to what happened today.  I came bouncing into the office (2nd day of work! Woohoo!) and sat at one of the empty desks that we can use temporarily.  I looked for the computer to turn on and get started. On the floor to my left was the end desk with a computer attached to it. Couldn’t be mine. So I assumed the computer on the floor to my right was the computer for me. I pushed the power button.  It wouldn’t turn on. Hmmmmmmm….

I sat there waiting, paranoid that eyes were on me to see what I’m up to on my second day of work. Of course I’m trying to look cool, like I totally know what I’m doing.  I push the power button again. This time I was sure to hold the power button for a couple seconds to make sure it comes on.  Still nothing.  Then I hear a loud beep from the computer screen to the right of me.  No one is sitting at the desk.  The veteran real estate woman that was there ran to the restroom so it was empty except for all of her paperwork. The screen then starts flashing and proceeds to a blue screen that reads “Force Shut Down”.

OH MY GOD. I forced her computer to shut down.

In this office people are in and out so quickly. Business must be good because they have showings daily. I was already warned not to bother people when they’re busy because often times they’re in filling out paperwork and have to fly out.

Oh my Lord, and I just forced her computer into a shut down. I’m thinking there goes all her paperwork, she’s going to have to start over, she’s going to yell at me.  What do I do?  I stay, I apologize so much, I explain I’m new, I’m blonde, I’m sorry.

Well that would have been a good idea… BUT I ran out. I literally grabbed my purse and ran out of the office.  Out of the building into the 5 million elevators I needed to go through to find my car. And that was my day. Telling this story, I’m realizing I can’t decide what’s worse. Me shutting down her computer OR me running the heck out of there like I just killed somebody. Either way, it’s the first days at a new company I tell you.  Nerves get the best of me!

But hey….

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