thoughts

The day is finally here! I get to express my thoughts on WEDDINGS!  I’ve been waiting for this moment for approximately 47 days, 10 hours, and 19 minutes.  Is this post for you? or me? Me?

Like I’ve mentioned, I have 4 serious friends so weddings have never been a full time thing for me.  I haven’t been to 9 weddings every “wedding season” that rolls around – but, I have been to enough to know.

Know what?

That I don’t like them anymore.

I read my own writing from a few years ago & want to throw up.  “I just want to be positive, like all the time, and be bright & think about the positive part of everything. Fuck negativity.”

But this year, 2018, I’m OVER IT.

I was following this one chick on Instagram that shares how she remains positive about everything.  Yes, even positive about her one little zit she named, Joseph. OMG!  How can she be SOoO positive in such a difficult time?!  Don’t worry, she’s always sharing tips on how she keeps her positive attitude so you can be just like her.

I don’t think she’s ever heard someone say Fuck.

If she did, she would probably pray afterwards.

The thing is, I wanted to be like her.  Positive AF.  Because even if there’s negative shit happening in the world, I don’t want to talk about it.  All we hear are opinions & negativity & annoyances, so I wanted to contribute to the positive side of things.

I asked Wafiq what he thought.  Should I keep striving for this positive image or should I just… be myself.

That’s when it hit me.  These “positive” people are the same people that would have voted to convict the man in my experience on Jury Duty – to 26 years in jail.  The same people I didn’t know existed.  They’re the same people who are either perfect or are trying to appear perfect.  And I just can’t stand for that anymore.

I was following a ton of bloggers & people on Instagram like this.  Perfect, Positive, Perfect, Positive.  And for awhile I was inspired to be the same way.

But wait a minute, this doesn’t make sense in real life.  In real life, there’s a lot of people that don’t have perfect circumstances.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

This is my favorite holiday because it’s all about LOVE & being kind.  Take the extra step to be thoughtful to everyone around you, ultimately that’s what Valentines Day should be about.

I tend to support single people during Valentines Day, because I think they bitch the most?  Like, I’ll stay in with my bottle of wine & The Notebook & cry myself to sleep style.  BUT this time I’m coming after people in a relationship.  Because, when you’re in a relationship for a long time, little gestures can get lost & Valentines Day can end up feeling dumb?  Single people – you’re GOOD on Valentines Day. The possibilities are endless, I used to love this holiday when I was single, read this post: HERE.

You know the CRAZY part about being in a relationship?  The amount of time you’re choosing to give someone besides yourself.  When you spend every day with someone, sleeping next to them, waking up next to them, making decisions with them, creating a family with them, living with them – in a way, you’re choosing to dedicate your life to them.  Think about it.  Because if you recall, we only have ONE life.  How intense is that?

I started thinking about this because I often hear people bitch about their significant other.  Often times joking, sometimes serious.  This typically happens after a few years together, right?  The fucking dishes, the annoying friend, the job.  At my age, it’s typically deciding about taking the step to marriage, or once in a marriage it’s about the pile of other conflicting situations that come up. But at the end of the day, we have one life.  When we’re in a long relationship,  we’re choosing to lay down next to the same person every day, for years & years.  We’re giving our lives to each other.  I can’t think of anything more significant than that, in our entire lives.  Or anyone more important to get along with.   Your kids will come, but they’ll also go create a family.  Your own family will do the same.  Your friends will come & go… But damn, that one “person” you lay down next to every night will be laying down next to you forever.  They’ll be there when people come, and they’ll be there next to you when everyone goes.

What a commitment. And what a journey.

That makes me realize bitching & moaning about little things is pointless.  Worrying about small annoyances shouldn’t matter.  Let it go, let it go.  We should be gentle with our partners, we’re giving them a humongous part of our one life. You know what I mean?

Better late then never sharing all my favorite things of 2017.  We shall call this a mix up, because why limit ourselves to one category of favorites?  These products were not all created in 2017, rather things I used through 2017.   Weird but true, I typically don’t like something right when I get it.  I put it down.  Stare at it.  And on one random day pick it up & use it consistently after that… or throw it out.

CHANEL Soleil Tan De Chanel

The obvious.  Bronze anything will make my list, just be happy I’m not talking about my at home spray tan.  I try not to wear a lot of makeup most days & bronzer is one of the few products I need daily.  I ditched powder bronzer most of the year for this cream bronzer.  I take a medium sized brush & blend it on my cheekbones to look alive everyday.  Because it’s creamy I don’t feel like it drys me out & I like how it blends into my skin.  I’ve had this one jar of bronzer for 45 years, used it every single day & am just now at the point where I need to repurchase.

ColourPop Echo Park Satin Lip

I’ve had this lip color for a long time & used it almost every day in 2017.  I realized using a natural color on your lips, even without anything else on your face, makes you look like you’re trying.  It’s such a cheat to looking ready, that or a nice lip gloss.  (My fav: here)  This one in particular keeps my lips super moisturized which is hard to do, and doesn’t rub off in 1 mili second.  I put the smallest amount on my lips in the morning after I apply chapstick, and then use my finger to smudge it around.  Au naturel.

I was in a meeting earlier this month & everyone was asked: What is one thing you learned this year?  They asked a lot of hard questions like that…  What’s a trait in yourself that you would not want to give someone else? 

But, one thing I learned this year… Oddly enough, I feel like I’ve had a pretty comfortable year.  The years before 2017 were chaotic & I’d probably respond to this question with answers like: patience, confidence, staying positive, ect.  Moving to Dubai, adjusting there, working there, then moving back, my relationship with Wafiq, his immigration process, being broke, moving everywhere again, needing a job – every year contained variables.  And in the moment, I often felt frustrated – like I was wasting time.  I couldn’t wait to be “normal”.  Get my life on track like everyone else.

Then, this year I finally had it!  Normal & comfortable.  At the very least, it was appearing to be on track.

But, throughout the year, and I think I’ve said this before on my blog, I found myself missing the variables & chaos.  Even being broke!

For example, when you have no money, other parts of your life strengthen.  Your creativity, your imagination, your hustle, your ideas, your friendships.

For example, when you have big life decisions ahead of you,  the opportunity to impress yourself by being brave & making choices presents itself.

For example, when you’re not “on track”, you don’t have pressure or expectations.  People are either disappointed & judgemental OR they’re believing in your journey & supportive.  Relationships are defined.

There’s so much learning happening in the stages that you can’t wait to get through!

Well here’s a little known fact about myself to chipper you up on your Thursday – I prefer/can only write a blog post when I’m listening to the Kygo station on Pandora.  It has that perfect mix of vocals & instrumentals, inspiring me to get my deepest words out to the world!  It can also take a turn for the worst & get me too emo, when I go back & read posts I can always tell. Ha!

TODAY is one of the best days for you guys because I’m forcing you to listen to me rave about these fucking incredible knives that I’ve ONLY cut my fingers on ONE time.  And that may or may not been because I was under the influence.. of something other than wine.

ALL HAIL IKEA $2 KNIVES!

I’ve tried other knife sets & knives from different companies that claim they have the baddest, bestest, sharpest knives in the world!  Not because I’ve owned many of them, but because I’ve gone to other homes & asked to use their knives.  And as predicted, they fucking suck!  They either have to be sharpened, be polished, or go through some other bull shit procedure in order to cut a tomato… BUT THESE IKEA BEAUTIES REQUIRE NOTHING BUT LOVE.  And they slice through a tomato like butter!  Are they the prettiest knives with their bright yellow & red handles?  Depends if you like ketchup & mustard.  I have no shame, I proudly set them at the table, especially with guests over.  I’ve thrown out the other prettier knives Wafiq inherited, no more pretending Ikea knives aren’t the only things in our kitchen that matter.

I would argue one of the best things about Dubai, if not the best, is how much you can explore & simply see.  Without having to pay anything or work very hard.  Not without effort, Dubai sets records & created a visual piece of artwork.  You can fill your entire trip just driving around exploring the different landscapes – for FREE.  Sometimes paying for the view, isn’t as good as actually searching for it yourself.

I wanted to show you how to make a trip adventurous without spending a ton of money!  I feel like I’m a master at going on budget friendly trips, including Dubai.  Food & drink is expensive, but there’s SO much to do for free, or nearly free – if you can just get yourself there.  You wouldn’t even be able to finish this list in one trip!  And if you do, I can add to it 🙂

This is MY checklist when I go back – things to go stare at.  And they never get old.  Even when I lived there, going to stare at the items on this list was one of my favorite things to do.  And a way to ensure I won’t waste my precious money.

1-  Burj Khalifa
This twinkly building still takes my breathe away.  Because it’s right outside the Dubai Mall there’s plenty of space to go walk around the building & look at it yourself – without paying a dime.  Get yourself to the Dubai Mall & walk outside.  You can eat near it, shop near it, walk near it, or just sit down & stare at it.  The fountain show that plays outside the building at night will also take your breathe away.  Go check it out during the day & at night for completely different views.  Until Dubai builds their next world record setting building, this is the top spot for me.  And you absolutely need a GoPro to fit the whole damn thing in a photo, OR spend $$$$ to have a tourey sales man take one measly photo for you…

For anyone that hasn’t had a chance to read my old posts, below are a few of my favorites from 2017!  Enjoy!
Dating A Muslim Immigrant… During The “Muslim Ban”
Tis a sign of the times…  I love this post because, Wafiq.  What an interesting time it was.  We happened to just be finishing our own immigration journey during this time & learned TONS of immigration info we never knew before.  Which I think is why we were super comfortable.  Even though people were freaking out.  I remember we were happy, lucky & together 🙂

There are 3 questions I get asked all the time: how I was treated as a woman in the middle east, did I feel safe AND “did you have to cover up the whole time”.

I hope I’ve done a good job clarifying, go to this post to see my answers to all 3 of those questions if you haven’t already.  (We went to the public beach on this trip & there were girls in thong bikinis & topless tanning, so I think people are comfortable doing whatever they please.)

For me, I wanted to fit in.  I wanted to act like I’ve been there before & I know what the fuck I’m doing.  There’s something powerful in that.  Also, for any destination, isn’t it fun to fit in?  Wear what they wear.  I think it makes you appear well traveled, like you know what you’re doing in you life.  So that was my goal this trip.  I stuck to coverage.  When I was living there, I pushed this boundary w my cut off shorts & dresses all the time, because I was bored of being covered & it was HOT AF.  Being that I was just visiting, I had a different approach this time.

The theme:  BLACK BLACK BLACK.  If this is the color of your wardrobe, you’re in luck!  I like bright colors, florals, sparkles, drama – so I had to go shopping.  An abaya & burka are black, so that’s the colors you’ll see a lot of when you’re out.  I asked someone why black?  Why not beautiful colors + design on the abaya?  I was told the original purpose of the abaya was to avoid attention.  Bright florals & colors will do the opposite, drawing attention to the people wearing them.  So black is the theme!

The saying “time flies when you’re having fun” is terrible & true isn’t it?  I remember miserable days/years in different jobs, & man did time drag.  But, of course, when you’re having fun & enjoying all the parts of your life, time goes quick!  So, would you rather a boring yet long life or short yet exciting life? Ha!  Nothing like that awful question to wake you up on a Thursday morning.

I’m back from Dubai! Long story short, it was fun & it went fast.  Which in this case is better than the alternative.

Everyone that followed along on my Instagram Stories, thank you! That was fun to create.  If you missed it, I left a lot of the stories in my “highlights” section.  Click on my Instagram profile & right below the bio you’ll see the circle for Dubai & Bahrain with the stories while I was there.

If you’ve been reading for awhile you likely know this trip was a big step for me.  Last time I was in Dubai I left in a rush & didn’t exactly leave every relationship in it’s best place.  And that feeling strengthened even while I was back in the States, especially when Wafiq decided he was going to stay & begin the immigration process.  Needless to say my relationships weren’t in tip top shape across the pond.

Last year, I decided to skip the trip Wafiq took home for that very reason,  I wasn’t ready to walk back into my past OR the lions den.

This year I was ready.  Wafiq & I are both comfortable & confident in the choices we’ve made in the past & knowing we’re in control of the choices were going to make in the future – I felt like there was nothing to fear anymore.  No judgment or conversation or threat or whatever was going to hurt me.  And I don’t mean to paint the picture as if everyone was going to do just that, but when you’re struggling & feeling weak & not confident with yourself – it’s hard to defend decisions in front of anyone.  And we lived in that space for awhile so I had to protect myself.  But this time I was ready.

Right when we arrived, I felt like I was living in Dubai yesterday, but better.  And more comfortable.   Everyone was excited to see us.  The first days were filled with food.  Family. Friends. Kids.  And Food.  I definitely did not have a chance to pick up my phone & document anything.  But because those first days were easy, I immediately knew the rest of the trip would be too.

2018 is on it’s way!  Lets set goals, shall we?!

No.

No we shall not.

I thought a lot about this.  The big, long-term beautiful (somewhat vague) end goal is always in sight, but all the others change.  I love it!  I welcome change, even though I fear it.  As ideas & goals shift throughout the year, you create new agendas & updated accordingly.  Which is why, now that it’s 2018 & resolutions are all the talk, you shouldn’t feel pressure to make them.  

I’ve learned one of the worst things you can do to yourself is lose your own trust.  Disappoint yourself.  I know any goal I set on Jan 1, 2018 will end up changing, therefore I’ll end up disappointing myself & losing my trust.  Which is a big no-no.  So, fuck the 2018 goals.

If you’re not already making this recipe-  hurry up & get it going!  I posted this recipe on my Instagram last year but thought it was worth a post.  It is. So. Delicious.  And super easy!

CHRISTMAS CRACK RECIPE

Ingredients:

Popcorn

Pretzels

White Chocolate

Dark Chocolate

Coconut Oil 

(the amounts you use for each ingredient is up to you! Extra popcorn? lots of chocolate?  go for it! )