Sad.

WAAAAAAAAAHHH! What was I thinking?!

Because I’ve moved away from my home before, I know this part. The “what was I thinking?” And “who do I think I am” part and it’s officially hit me. Fast and not good. It started while I was packing my clothes, the last thing to do on my list before I moved out..

During this emotional packing process I go through a few thought processes…

First. I start thinking.. Who supported this decision I had? Do you not know me at all? Aren’t you my friends? Are you wanting to see me look like a puffy eyed lost child in the land of unknown?  You’re supposed to tell me:  “No, Katie. No. This is a bad idea. You’ll be sad, don’t do it.”  But nope, you HAD to encourage me and say how great of an experience it’ll be and blah blah blah.  Now it’s too late.

Second. I want to find these so called friends of mine and tell them to take my place if it’s such a great experience.  Literally, two suitcases in I’m about to get into my car and drive to these amigos houses and tell them to start packing for a great experience.

Lastly. Realizing, there’s no getting out of this, I have to do something. Hire someone to come in and throw away everything and just leave. Drive away.  Just drive away with nothing and imagine it’s all still there.

Very dramatic. But these clothes I’m giving away have so many memories tied to them. This is called hoarding. Why is this stupid $20 tank top make me want to cry?! Just get rid of it!

But it makes me sad because it reminds me of the Maroon 5 concert I went to in Austin, and how excited I was.. and how hot I wanted to look for Adam Levine…

And ACL festival where I melted my skin off and cussed out every part of my brain that made me choose to wear black in 100+ degree weather..

Then this Wonder Woman dress that I fought hard to steal from my friend.. I have to give this back now? I can’t steal it across the world. I mean a different apartment in the same city was one thing, but across the world was just a level of stealing I don’t want to cross.

I mean how do I just leave it behind? The dress, tank top, and anything else in my closet.

It does sound cheeseball but holy toledo this is it. The clothes made me stop and think (too much).  I’m not some cool hip traveler chick that just packs up my life in a suitcase and moves away. Bye bye everyone and everything. No problem, yay.

No, that’s totally not me. I’m not that cool, I’m more like a wanna-be. I’m sad, and frustrated I make myself do this. It’s so much easier and less stressful to stay with all my clothes and memories and keep going right where I am. I’m comfortable with my routine.

But, it’s these stressful situations that I put myself in that will hopefully pay off someday. And I want to be more than just comfortable in my life. That’s what I keep telling myself, so I have to believe it. And I have to act like a cool, hip, traveler chick that likes networking and talking to strangers and looks totally in control when feeling completely out of it.

I’ve been doing a lot of talking, now it’s time for me to prove myself. Fake it until I make it!

Next up, a 19 hour drive with one passenger that is sick with the flu. Here we go!