Thoughts

Last week I did something a little anxiety provoking by logging onto Facebook & scrolling through years of pictures.  I don’t use Facebook very much anymore, and have never been a die-hard Facebooker.  For a few years after graduating college I deleted my Facebook all together.  No matter how much mind control you have, scrolling through a feed of highlights from everyone else’s life takes its toll on you.  I felt myself questing decisions I was making & comparing, comparing, comparing! – so I let Facebook go. At the time it was fantastic.  Since then I’ve rarely been using it & do my best not to get sucked into scrolling through my feed.

Ok, so this leads me to the other night, I stalked myself.  I wanted to see what was up with Miss Katie in her good ol Facebook days.  Years ago Facebook used to be a place where people posted full albums of a night out, dinner, vacation, dog, friend, time at the park.  Not 1 photo, but an album of 50.   These days Facebook is more business-y? And people sharing articles.  Instagram took over photos I think.  So I stalked back to the days of albums.  I should continue by saying, I don’t like erasing past decisions, which is why I try not to delete anything that I posted myself.  If I wanted to post it at the time, that’s how I was living life! OUI!

I felt pretty good after stalking.  Solid life experiences I’ve been documenting.

BUT THEN, I came across this photo of myself on my apartment balcony and immediately remembered.  MY FIRST DATING APP PHOTO.  I think I was 21?  Somewhere around there, and guys I put so much effort into this photo! The outfit, the lighting, the smile, the head tilt!  Probably even the nails…  I remember getting this shirt for $5 at Forever 21 & I never loved anything more.

My one & only dating app picture – on E Harmony
I put myself on EHarmony.  EHarmony at 22.  I remember feeling like the guys I was meeting on my own weren’t interested in anything more than going to church with their parents on Sunday mornings OR binge drinking on Monday nights.  Not for me you know, can we land somewhere in the middle?  So EHarmony (and blind dates) were my jam.  I pretended I was on The Bachelor and had a new date every week, on Thursday nights.  I had that system running for a long time…  Thursday was perfect by the way, the date didn’t interrupt one of my already planned fun weekend nights but was late enough in the week to actually relax & enjoy the night. Highly recommend setting up a similar schedule if you’re single.

The problem with Eharmony was that no one wanted to date me.  I think I was too young for the site?  One of the dates that I landed was with this guy that met me for appetizers.  He barely spoke & I don’t think listened to anything I said.  But I was so excited for this date!  I remember that. I can’t remember why, I think because he was older and it made me feel like he had to be more mature & maybe potential for a 2nd date??  Well we ate the apps, he took me to a nearby bar, and I saw a smile for the first time of the night when he looked up for the first eye contact of the evening and asked “what my sexual preferences were”.

Finally the day has come, we moved into a different space. Remember when I moved into this tiny apartment and I was so happy?  I believed that was literally all I needed in life, a perfect shelter.  I’m still on the small living environment kick, too much space gives me anxiety.   I know most people hate moving but I’ve decided I love it,  I’ve moved a lot and lived out of a suitcase more years in my life than I’ve had a closet.  Not really.

Getting rid of shit is my jam. It gives me the same excited butterflies you’re supposed to get when you see your significant other.  Moving forces you to really purge shit out.  All those things that Wafiq was making us hold on to because “we have space” are officially at Goodwill. And all the stupid clothes, cheap gimmicks and nonsense you can find on THIS list are gone!  Moving is a breeze because all our “things” (besides the bed, sofa, and TV) fit in a few boxes 🙂  Awww my favorite feeling.

One of the many reasons we’re so excited about our new place is that the view is open to trees, no more walking path!   What do you guys see when you look outside your window?  We started feeling a little like we were living in a hamster cage because our windows opened to a walking path that people loved to bring their dogs to, so we happy peeps right now.

As you may have heard, there’s a hurricane that recently f*cked up parts of Texas.  In Austin, we lost power for 20 hours & had wind + rain but nothing much larger than our regular storms.  Please remember, when you’re thinking of Houston and all the damage it’s done, there are several smaller communities that have been damaged as well & also need help + resources.  The less popular babies need attention too 🙂   I have to say, it’s refreshing to run through my Facebook feed and see all my Texas friends coming together to love & support one another.  No more wrestling over topics that don’t serve a purpose or creating fights & arguments because we’re bored.  There was awhile there I didn’t even check FB.  So, proud of Texas right now and proud to be a part of the state.

And mother earth must be freaking PISSED off right now, brewing storms all over the place.  EEEk. I pray everyone stays safe & cuddled with their people. Love love love.

As you may have noticed, I write “be thoughtful” at the end of all my posts.  When I started writing regularly I wanted to think of something to end with.  Something short, that I genuinely wanted readers to leave w/every day.   I thought about “be nice” or “be kind”  because there’s nothing better than a nice person, but that’s not always the case.  Sometimes, you shouldn’t be nice.  You should be strong.  You should be loud & badass & stick up for yourself, which might not be nice.   I might actually suggest “be mean”.

I came up with “be thoughtful”.  If you slow down & you’re thoughtful of the people you’re interacting with, you’ll know whether to be nice or to be mean.   No one knows what’s going on w/the people they interact with every day and no one knows you.

I think this really amplified itself for me a year ago when I was dealing w/bad anxiety.  I feel like I looked normal but was going through such a tough time in my head.  I was trying to take things slow & gentle while I worked through my anxiety, and I felt fragile.  But people didn’t know that.

One issue I had was driving anxiety.  American’s driving is the single thing I HATE the most about America.  It’s also one of the only times I use the word hate.  Moms, dads, young people, old people, men, women, they all drive like a tasmanian devil.  It’s crazy to me!  We have these huge machines we’re plowing recklessly through traffic with and have no worry?  And where are we always rushing to?  Why are we rushing?  We’re a product of our environment, American’s are glued to time.  My advice is to say fuck it & leave work early, take your time to your kids soccer game, so you can show up alive.

I can’t believe it’s already August.  I’m actually okay with that because, as much as the rest of Austin is loving to complain about the heat, I’m grateful it hasn’t been worse!  Sure, it’s been 106+ everyday but it’s August… in Texas.  Wouldn’t we be concerned if it was any other way?  Not to mention a few years ago we were 110+ for a record number of days before we saw August 1.

I saw the quote “Compliment People. Magnify Their Strengths” on Instagram & have it saved on my phone.  Complimenting people is the best feeling & easy to do, but also easy to forget.  I  started thinking about how compliments make me feel, and how I feel when I give them.

Ey Ey ey!  Working out & staying in shape is what the cool kids are doing.  And we all secretly want to be a cool kid.

My favorite day of the week has turned into Wednesday’s because I’ve somehow managed to get myself addicted to Survivor.  I haven’t watched the series since the first season but have come full circle, watching again.  I love competition, but that is one show I would never want to be a part of!

I was in my office last week and a friend came running through the doors looking for a guy to help them. (Of course, she was not looking for me in this situation, you’ll understand why later.)  She seemed a little more frantic than normal so I asked what happened.  She said there was a bug outside in the hallway.  I thought that was interesting because she’s not afraid of bugs. And she didn’t mention what type of bug. Are we talking spider, cockroach, beetle? In my almighty moment I told her I would go take a look – I’ve recently made truce with large spiders & felt I could at the very least monitor a cockroach while we wait for someone to get it, worst case scenario.

I’ve never been the girl with a long list of friends. I wouldn’t be the one with 20 bridesmaids or 1,000 people at my wedding.   There’s a huge part of me that has always been envious of those people.  They were able to cultivate friendships from high school & college that stayed with them their whole lives.  I love that & am honestly impressed & a little envious…

I’m not a super fan of country music or even Garth Brooks music so don’t be afraid I’m going to lay out all my country obsessions for you.   A few weeks ago I was able to see Garth Brooks in concert during SXSW. I’m not familiar with his music, I realized at all, but that didn’t matter.

I’ve always dreamt of people with indispensable money – what it looks & feels like to go anywhere & do anything without a worry in the world.  Eat wherever you want, drive whatever you want, pay for your family/friends vacations, payback the people you once had to borrow from, go to any doctor you want, get a nice face mask.

As I was growing up, teachers, parents, grandparents, cousins, graduates, & friends all stressed the importance of having good grades to get into a good college after high school.  That was the only option for anyone who wanted to be successful.   That’s why we worked so hard in high school, so we can go to college.  Because who doesn’t know what they want to do with their entire life at 18 years old?  And if you didn’t know, you can take classes until you find out.  “If you don’t go now, you’ll never go back!”