Thoughts

For anyone that hasn’t had a chance to read my old posts, below are a few of my favorites from 2017!  Enjoy!
Dating A Muslim Immigrant… During The “Muslim Ban”
Tis a sign of the times…  I love this post because, Wafiq.  What an interesting time it was.  We happened to just be finishing our own immigration journey during this time & learned TONS of immigration info we never knew before.  Which I think is why we were super comfortable.  Even though people were freaking out.  I remember we were happy, lucky & together 🙂

2018 is on it’s way!  Lets set goals, shall we?!

No.

No we shall not.

I thought a lot about this.  The big, long-term beautiful (somewhat vague) end goal is always in sight, but all the others change.  I love it!  I welcome change, even though I fear it.  As ideas & goals shift throughout the year, you create new agendas & updated accordingly.  Which is why, now that it’s 2018 & resolutions are all the talk, you shouldn’t feel pressure to make them.  

I’ve learned one of the worst things you can do to yourself is lose your own trust.  Disappoint yourself.  I know any goal I set on Jan 1, 2018 will end up changing, therefore I’ll end up disappointing myself & losing my trust.  Which is a big no-no.  So, fuck the 2018 goals.

You know the one part that sucks about holiday time that doesn’t exist around Thanksgiving… The torture of trying to find gifts, for everyone.  And make cookies, and hang decorations, and go to holiday parties, and try to eat healthy.  Adding gifts on top of all that jazz is what can easily make you freak the F out. I have a few ideas….

5 Ways To Finish Out The Holiday Season Stress Free

 The Gift Of Being Stress-Free:  Ok, think about the people you’re buying gifts for.  Thinking of them?  If most of those people knew you were stressed out, driving around like a maniac, spending more money than you had, buying their gift from the checkout line in Target because you can’t think of anything else – they wouldn’t want that from you!  So don’t feel like you have to do it.  Wait until the next day, by them a good book, or gift card, and let the pressure of other gifts go.
Essential Oils:  This may or may not be a placebo, the essential oil trend, but I don’t give a fuck.  If it works because my mind is telling me to believe it’s working, or the oils are truly relaxing me – I’ll fucking take it.  Am I right?  I met an essential oil doctor (jk she was selling her oil potions at the grocery store & I stopped to talk to her), and she gave me a combo she said would help me relax.  (5 drops Lavender, 5 drops Jasmine, 5 drops Frankincense, 3 drops Ylang Ylang.)  She put it in a tiny spray bottle (here) and said to spray it on my pillow at night, on my clothes, mid anxiety attack – whatever.  I’ve become obsessed.  It’s so easy to do too!  Go to Whole Foods, get these essential oils, get a tiny spray bottle, and make your own secret Xanax potion.

Ok. Ok. So when I first mentioned my few weeks of life changing events I said it was a combination of things.  One was Jury Duty but the other was a book.  Somehow, the stars aligned in a way that helped me read Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton during my week of Jury Duty.  fyi – There is plenty of opportunity to read while on Jury Duty, it feels like you’re constantly sitting in the small Jury Room waiting for the courtroom to be ready.  I was easily able to finish reading Love Warrior… and wow.

I first heard of Glennon Doyle on Chelsea! about a year ago. Since then, I’ve been wanting to read her book, but procrastinated.  I picked it up, and even read a page or 2 several different times, but always ended up putting it down.  At first glance, the book seemed too emotional & strong (if that makes sense) which scared me away from it.  Emotionally deep books (and movies) gets my anxiety on it’s tip toes so I tend to avoid them.  However, Love Warrior was the only book I packed in my purse for Jury Duty, leaving me no choice but to get through it.

Lucky for me, because this book changed me in a similar way Jury Duty did.

Let me explain.  I recently had a truce with my anxiety, where I looked it in the eye with a smile & shifted my mind to start using it as a tool.  (Also on Chelsea!), a woman being interviewed asked Chelsea to name 3 qualities she likes about herself, and they couldn’t be physical.   I listened, laughed and fell asleep.  In the morning, I was driving to work & thought about that same question.  3 qualities I like about myself, and they can’t be physical.  One of the answers that kept creeping in my mind was – anxiety.  Wtf.  I thought anxiety was something I hated.  But, I started feeling like Batman’s bestie.  Powerful, relieved, and excited.  I told myself, anxiety is a superpower.  A freaking superpower!  Because of anxiety, I’m uber aware of feelings & emotions.  They’re loud, and they’re always there for me to hear. And if I can control them a little, they can be a badass superpower.  And that’s exactly what I’m going to make them.

Remember when you were little and getting ready for soccer games, a school play, choir/band performance and your teacher or parents would tell you “Just do your best”?  Maybe you heard that, maybe you were already the best…

I wish we still had an adult following us around, reminding us to do our best.  I recently had a boss that filled a position where he was in way over his head.  Drowning in the position because he likely over promised what skills he actually had.  I watched him drown.  I tried my best to help him but quickly noticed he wasn’t trying his best.  He didn’t fulfill the position requirements and instead of digging his heels in and trying to do his best to figure it out, he resisted.  He passed everything he could off to anyone that would take it.  He gave it to his bosses, people under him, people next to him.  He refused to learn.  He trusted his seniority would precedent.

Over the weeks, that turned into months, I started wondering why he wouldn’t try.  What happened to trying to do your best?  Come in to work every day and do the very best YOU can do.  If it’s a mess or not everything gets done, at least you tried.  I don’t understand people who don’t try to do their best.  Why wouldn’t you?  With my boss, whatever his issue with the position was, I still think he should’ve tried to do his best at it, every single day until he’s either learned the position requirements or found something else.

If you stop doing your best, how boring? What are you learning? What are you getting better at?  In conversations, try to do your best at listening.  At workouts, try to be your best athlete.  Preparing for the week, try to do your best each Sunday.  I mean shiiiii, if you’re not trying at anything anymore you need to get a hobby you enjoy. If you’re an expert at everything, you have the wrong mindset. Find things to work hard at & be passionate about.  I hated my job once, and let me tell you – I did my very best at finding something better. At going to work every single day knowing I was trying for something better, so I felt comfortable working hard while I was there.

I never know if I should write how I feel right when I’m feeling it or wait until I get my thoughts together… For example, Jury Duty.  I walked out of Jury Duty feeling like I couldn’t breathe.  I was fucking rocked, and scared, and anxious.  For a week I couldn’t sleep without having nightmares.  Surprisingly, my immediate reaction was to hate blogging.  The first thought I had was “fuck my blog”.   Although it’s my creative outlet,  my experience on Jury Duty made me feel like I was wasting precious, valuable time working on my silly blog.  I needed to be doing more!  A week or so passed and I started thinking I need to write this all down in my blog, change my blog, change people!  But then I felt I was too wrapped up in emotion, not thinking clearly.  Now, I’m a month past Jury Duty and feel like I’m rational, yet still kind of wish I would’ve written everything down when I was irrational.  When people are super expressive with feelings I listen to them, even if they’re wrong, there has to be parts to take away.

A month ago I had to report for Jury Duty.  I recently registered to vote and the two results in that decision were (1) Donald Trump as my president (2) Jury Duty summons.  Real winning decision making skills right there, Ha!

My first reaction with Jury Duty was, anxiety.  Because that’s what I do best.  “What if I have a panic attack while I’m there”  “There’s no way out of this”  “What if I can’t breathe” “What if I can’t talk” “How long will it take”  “What if I don’t show up”.  Welcome to my brain.

Everyone told me their Jury Duty stories & how they tried to get out of it or why they weren’t chosen or how strong minded they were so no way someone would pick them, or it’s probably a dumb case, so annoying to go to Jury Duty.

I had NO idea how fucking hard it would be for me.  I happened to get chosen to be a Jury member.  12 out of 80 something people were chosen.  I have a few thoughts on that.  If you have an education, compassion, you’re smart, you listen, understanding, morals & ethics – you SHOULD be a chosen member for Jury Duty.  When I started hearing what some of the other Jury contenders were saying, I thought holy Jesus I better be chosen.  No way they’ll let these fucking stubborn assholes make a judicial decision, right?! And I was right – they chose me.  And they should choose me.  They should choose you too, if you’re smart and a good listener.  It is your duty and it is your responsibility.  ESPECIALLY if you’re making decisions about someones future.  If you don’t do it, those stubborn assholes will, and that’s not acceptable.

The Case.  I’m going to summarize what was a week long journey of my court case the best I can.  In reality, the details of the case itself wasn’t the traumatizing part of Jury Duty so I don’t want it to be the highlight of this post.  There was a domestic violence dispute where a woman ended up with a cut on her hand and the defendant plead not guilty.  This was a felony case because of the claim of the use of a deadly weapon.  When it came time to deliberate there were two different charges we could sentence the defendant with, or decide he’s not guilty.  The jury decided the harsher of the two, a felony.  The second decision was his sentencing.  Because he already had a felony on his record and spent time in jail, the Texas law requires a minimum sentence of 25 years.  My jury members wanted to really stick it to him so they gave him a 26 year sentence, as kind of a “ha ha”.  The defendant stood up, heard his sentence, ran his fingerprints, and went to jail until he likely will pass away.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever!!!  It’s a holiday where you eat, relax, meet up with friends/family, eat again, and hopefully be grateful.   This is the bee knees of holidays people, there’s nothing better.  (I also love all the shopping sales that closely follow. Ha!)  But it simply wouldn’t be a Thanksgiving without being able to say what you’ve been thankful for…

Wafiq and I have a ritual of saying what we’re thankful for almost daily. When times were a little tougher I think we would say them twice a day… Taking time to challenge each other in a grateful war always makes the mood brighter.  And it takes your mind off all that negative shit that’s stuck up in that brain of yours.

This year, I have TONS to be grateful for, so lets get into it!

I would love to say I’m back with Taylor Swift in my ears but I have 1,000 upgrades, login/password confusion, and download issues happening in iTunes right now so no Taylor Swift for me! Might have to take it the old fashion way of buying a tangible CD or pirating.    I’ve only been looking forward to this album since she disappeared.

I had a few traumatizing events happen the last few weeks, Jury Duty, work overload, and a book that rocked my socks.  The combination of everything changed me.  Really changed me in my core, opened my eyes, freaked me out, kept me awake… I’m going to follow up with a few posts on those events in the next week or so because it’s a lot to take on in one post, for me.  Especially since I haven’t written a post in awhile, I wanted to say hi first!  Immediately after Jury Duty I started thinking – fuck blogging, it’s not important enough.  I kind of protested myself, to myself?   My eyes were opened WIDE and I really shut the door on blogging, I was completely shifted in my thoughts.  I couldn’t come on and write about shoes, or festivals, or being happy – when that’s the opposite of what I gave a shit about.  But then, being away made me feel anxious, I love writing. And it doesn’t have to be roses and smiles all the time, because life isn’t roses all the time.  And my writing doesn’t have to be perfect or make perfect sense, because no one is perfect.  No one knows everything.  I also learned that being away from blogging & writing didn’t feel right. 

I’ve anxiously been waiting to have a post schedule again.  I use my blog as a creativity outlet but realized it’s more than that for me, it’s a way to express what’s in my head and talk to a few people that read.  My goal  is to eventually talk back and forth (I think some people call that conversation 🙂 ) with readers.  I know everything I say or think can be changed with a little extra knowledge and I’m going to do my best to search for it!  And always hear the other side on all my thoughts, and I encourage you to do the same.

Needless to say, waaaay out of the holiday spirit this year.  I don’t even remember Halloween.  Did it happen already?  This might not seem like a big deal, but as a blogger I should give a shit.  And my whole life I have – I love costumes and dressing up.  I’m typically VERY holiday. Celebrations excite me and I’m always down to participate… but this year I haven’t gotten into the swing of things, just haven’t and I probably won’t.  I’m relieved, I don’t want to holiday this year.  I want 2017 to be the year that I’m not focused on holidays but focused on myself and upcoming plans.  I’ve done this once before, when I first moved to Dubai.  I skipped holidays, and you know what? It wasn’t so bad.    So this year will be somewhat similar, not a total skip, but pretty darn close.

Wooooooof TA!  Austin City Limits music festival beat the crap out of me! Every year I go I hope it’ll be easier, but it never is.  I love the music & the break from normal life – but it’s H O T in Texas and that heat can really beat you up.

This festival came right on the heels of the Vegas catastrophe, which you couldn’t help but feel heavy about.  My friends & I did our best to not bring it up but that’s hard to do when there’s thousands of people stuffed in on top of each other at a concert.  I think that’s how it’s going to be from now on for our generation.  It’s hard to honestly say otherwise.  We have to live in a place where we’re cautious of our surroundings and listen to our instincts, especially when we’re in large crowds.  Unfortunately, that’s where we’re at in America.  Boo, all because of those mother fuckers.

One adjustment I noticed this year, I’m not sure if it’s new or just something I’m more aware of, is the huge crane overlooking the festival with police on it.  They had a birds eye view of the entire festival and you could see they had huge lenses to see everything happening on the ground.  That was about my only piece of mind.

On the 2nd night as Wafiq and I were watching one of the shows, we heard a huge bang come from the other side of the festival.  We told ourselves if we hear it again, we’ll leave.  Then we heard it again.  And again.  There were police near us that also looked concerned, as did most of the people around us.  To make a long story short, it was pyrographics at the stage on the other side of the festival. I’m thinking (and hoping) this part of live performances will have restrictions in the future.  I don’t think it’s worth it to risk confusing a crowd.  With our tensions a little higher than we’d like, Wafiq and I decided to leave early that night.  Again, we’re at a place where you have to trust your gut on certain circumstances, call us dramatic but I’d rather be the dramatic one all day than the one standing there when/if something happens.

I constantly brag about the incredibly insightful active shooter training I did with our city Fire Marshall – I need to do a whole post on that because it was way more helpful than I imagined it could be.

Hi everyone!  I have my war with social media all the time because I’m not a big phone person, therefore I don’t check social media all the time.  And I’ve been sort of blah with Instagram lately.  It turned Facebook on me with all the ads & sponsored posts.  They also seem to show me to same 10 photos every time I login and I end up missing new pics from accounts I love to follow… Hopefully this changes.  BUT, I started thinking, there are a few accounts that I get excited to see a new post from.  Below are 5 that I’m kind of shy to admit I follow… eeee!

Please share some accounts you love, or your own! I’m trying to brighten up my feed a little 🙂

 The Las Vegas shooting that occurred on Sunday, October 1st 2017 was one of the deadliest mass shootings in the United States.  At least 23 firearms, including a…

Attention All: We have a new motto in our household.  I’m putting the same test on you & your household as well.  No more “I can’t wait for…”

I’ve never been someone who’s said “I can’t wait for…” or “I can’t wait when…” very often but I caught myself the other night.   I kid you not, Wafiq & I said approx 4 times in a row an “I can’t wait for…” sentence.  “I can’t wait for us to get the new computer screen”, “I can’t wait for the new speaker”,  “I can’t wait for…”.   We sat down on our badass couch in front of our huge ass TV in our treehouse home and started laughing.  WTF.  We have everything we’ve ever wanted right here in front of us.  There were moments we couldn’t wait to have our own space, we couldn’t wait to get through the immigration process (& payments), we couldn’t wait to make money… and here we are with all of those things fully accomplished.

And now we’re acting like we need more?!?

Even when we barely had our own room to sleep in, we rarely said out loud how much we couldn’t wait to have our own place.  I think we both knew if we started to focus on the things we didn’t have, we could end up in a dark, miserable tunnel of misery.  So we rarely talked negatively.

It’s interesting once you start having “things” you start focusing on more things, for some reason.  I think accidentally.  I laughed out loud when I heard myself.  We both did.  And we said, no more! It’s freaking ridiculous what we’re doing.  And instead, we focused on watching the season premiere of Survivor.