This Is Why I Don’t Like Weddings

Did You Know?  In Norway, the bride will traditionally wear a silver-and-gold crown that has small charms hanging all around it. When she moves, the tinkling sound deflects evil spirits. (via)

The day is finally here! I get to express my thoughts on WEDDINGS!   I’ve been waiting for this moment for approximately 47 days, 10 hours, and 19 minutes.  Is this post for you? or me? Me?

Like I’ve mentioned, I have 4 serious friends so weddings have never been a full time thing for me.  I haven’t been to 9 weddings every “wedding season” that rolls around – but, I have been to enough to know.

Know what?

That I don’t like them anymore.

I absolutely love a union.  Two people that are committed to each other (& God if that’s your shin dig) is the most glorious act, but these wedding celebrations is up for debate.  I’ve always had that feeling in my gut, that something didn’t feel right about weddings, but now I’m certain.  This tradition feels old & unfortunately evolved into an event that’s for everyone besides the bride & groom. The party, the spectacular, the photos are the highlight – not the union.

I worked with a wedding planner in Dubai & thought the same thing then, but again never felt confident in my thoughts.  How can you not die for a wedding?

Welp,  let me tell you a few reasons that come to mind.  The money, stress, making sure everyone is happy, organizing the seating, what’s served, the status, the invites?!  No-no.

Even if the bride is laid back, low key, easy going – I’ve seen it all.  The bridesmaids have drama w dresses, the seating is not fair to your great aunt, you didn’t invite your mom’s friend’s daughter even though she invited you to hers, your dad paid for the wedding so you have to use the white linen.  I feel like I’ve heard & seen enough to know – change my mind?

I almost feel like a big wedding is something I’d regret spending all my money on.  Or feel bad for the people who did pay for it.  Similar to college, it has all the sparkly things that society & peers make you think you need, but do you?  (Read that college post: here)

I was recently in a wedding, in Charlottesville VA (omg die for this visit) & was lucky enough to have the sweetest bride of all time (I pick my 4 friends well).   When I say laid back, she was.  And she catered to everyone else before herself.  She was calm, collected, elegant, and a fairy tale.  Honestly, it was a wedding most girls would only dream of.  Everyone that attended was so kind & meshed together easily.  There wasn’t a high maintenance person within reach.  The wedding planner had no pressure from anyone in the wedding party – which trust me, is rare.

BUT, we spent the entire wedding day prepping for the wedding.  After a weekend of rehearsals & mingling I went into the wedding day already pretty tired.  Hair, makeup, pictures.  And think of the mix – most of the time everyone doesn’t know each other, so there’s a lot of small talk, which can be exhausting.  Everything has to be on time & perfect.  Nothing can be skipped.  By the time the bride walked down the isle I remember feeling so exhausted that a lot of my emotions were removed from the ceremony.  The big, most important part of the day!

It hit me.  This isn’t the way a wedding has to be.   Isn’t a wedding about a union?  Is there any bigger decision you have than to commit yourself to one other person for the rest of your life?  If you recall, we only have 1 life.  Soooo you’re picking your 1 person to share it with, forever.  (Remember this sweet Vday post: here).  I believe that’s what a wedding can be.  Wake up rested, come together to say words of commitment to each other, with people that supported the union – & only those people.  If you want a party, make it easy.  If you don’t want a party, don’t have one.  As long as the union is right.  Because THAT, that is what it’s about.  The union.  Each other.  That moment, and those words & promises.

Not the robe pictures, not the zipping up the dress photos, or group pictures w pretend laughing.  If you’re not careful, making time for all of the photos, the expectations, & supposedly traditions can take away from what’s actually happening.   I see through a lot photos I used to be envious of.

Even the bridesmaids & groomsmen.  What even is that?  I don’t get it.  Shouldn’t everyone that’s attending your wedding be the people who supported your relationship & be the ones that will continue to do so?  Do we need a ranking of them?  hmmmm…

Am I the fucking grinch or what?

Wafiq & I have been asked a lot recently on our marital status & when it’s changing to: Married.  Let’s get in there too, because I have Kygo Station blaring on Pandora & I’m feeling alive.  Wafiq & I come from way different backgrounds.  He’s from Bahrain, I’m from Minnesota.  He’s from the desert, I’m from the arctic tundra.  He’s from a Muslim family, I’m from a Christian family.  Every tradition we both have had, we do differently.  Including engagements & weddings.  And I’m all about authenticity.  I feel like it’s weird to expect Wafiq to plan an engagement an American way.  I’m even confused at that suggestion.  I’ve learned enough about his traditions to know, it’s not his way.  How cheesy would it be to have him propose in an American way, he wouldn’t even get it, the meaning again would be lost to him.  BUT, it would be good for the “story” & pictures.  But an engagement & marriage (for me) isn’t about the story & pictures, it’s about the union.

Sooo, without getting into deets that we barely have sorted, we talk about marriage all the friggen time, because it’s something we’re going to have to figure out together.  So we can be authentic to both of our traditions, but resulting in a union between us.   You know what I mean?

You’re definitely not going to see a super traditional, American, engagement & marriage process from me – because that’s not us.  aaaaand I love it, like I love you.

Alright, come at me with your wedding thoughts & opinions.  Did you go BIG TIME on your wedding?  Was it worth it??  Elope?  Tell me everything so I don’t miss something important!  I’m all about the gossip on this topic & Wafiq isn’t giving it to me.  Lemme know.  Thx.

Love you guys real big AND all your unions- be thoughtful.

Xx

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