texas

Ok. Ok. So when I first mentioned my few weeks of life changing events I said it was a combination of things.  One was Jury Duty but the other was a book.  Somehow, the stars aligned in a way that helped me read Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton during my week of Jury Duty.  fyi – There is plenty of opportunity to read while on Jury Duty, it feels like you’re constantly sitting in the small Jury Room waiting for the courtroom to be ready.  I was easily able to finish reading Love Warrior… and wow.

I first heard of Glennon Doyle on Chelsea! about a year ago. Since then, I’ve been wanting to read her book, but procrastinated.  I picked it up, and even read a page or 2 several different times, but always ended up putting it down.  At first glance, the book seemed too emotional & strong (if that makes sense) which scared me away from it.  Emotionally deep books (and movies) gets my anxiety on it’s tip toes so I tend to avoid them.  However, Love Warrior was the only book I packed in my purse for Jury Duty, leaving me no choice but to get through it.

Lucky for me, because this book changed me in a similar way Jury Duty did.

Let me explain.  I recently had a truce with my anxiety, where I looked it in the eye with a smile & shifted my mind to start using it as a tool.  (Also on Chelsea!), a woman being interviewed asked Chelsea to name 3 qualities she likes about herself, and they couldn’t be physical.   I listened, laughed and fell asleep.  In the morning, I was driving to work & thought about that same question.  3 qualities I like about myself, and they can’t be physical.  One of the answers that kept creeping in my mind was – anxiety.  Wtf.  I thought anxiety was something I hated.  But, I started feeling like Batman’s bestie.  Powerful, relieved, and excited.  I told myself, anxiety is a superpower.  A freaking superpower!  Because of anxiety, I’m uber aware of feelings & emotions.  They’re loud, and they’re always there for me to hear. And if I can control them a little, they can be a badass superpower.  And that’s exactly what I’m going to make them.

I never know if I should write how I feel right when I’m feeling it or wait until I get my thoughts together… For example, Jury Duty.  I walked out of Jury Duty feeling like I couldn’t breathe.  I was fucking rocked, and scared, and anxious.  For a week I couldn’t sleep without having nightmares.  Surprisingly, my immediate reaction was to hate blogging.  The first thought I had was “fuck my blog”.   Although it’s my creative outlet,  my experience on Jury Duty made me feel like I was wasting precious, valuable time working on my silly blog.  I needed to be doing more!  A week or so passed and I started thinking I need to write this all down in my blog, change my blog, change people!  But then I felt I was too wrapped up in emotion, not thinking clearly.  Now, I’m a month past Jury Duty and feel like I’m rational, yet still kind of wish I would’ve written everything down when I was irrational.  When people are super expressive with feelings I listen to them, even if they’re wrong, there has to be parts to take away.

A month ago I had to report for Jury Duty.  I recently registered to vote and the two results in that decision were (1) Donald Trump as my president (2) Jury Duty summons.  Real winning decision making skills right there, Ha!

My first reaction with Jury Duty was, anxiety.  Because that’s what I do best.  “What if I have a panic attack while I’m there”  “There’s no way out of this”  “What if I can’t breathe” “What if I can’t talk” “How long will it take”  “What if I don’t show up”.  Welcome to my brain.

Everyone told me their Jury Duty stories & how they tried to get out of it or why they weren’t chosen or how strong minded they were so no way someone would pick them, or it’s probably a dumb case, so annoying to go to Jury Duty.

I had NO idea how fucking hard it would be for me.  I happened to get chosen to be a Jury member.  12 out of 80 something people were chosen.  I have a few thoughts on that.  If you have an education, compassion, you’re smart, you listen, understanding, morals & ethics – you SHOULD be a chosen member for Jury Duty.  When I started hearing what some of the other Jury contenders were saying, I thought holy Jesus I better be chosen.  No way they’ll let these fucking stubborn assholes make a judicial decision, right?! And I was right – they chose me.  And they should choose me.  They should choose you too, if you’re smart and a good listener.  It is your duty and it is your responsibility.  ESPECIALLY if you’re making decisions about someones future.  If you don’t do it, those stubborn assholes will, and that’s not acceptable.

The Case.  I’m going to summarize what was a week long journey of my court case the best I can.  In reality, the details of the case itself wasn’t the traumatizing part of Jury Duty so I don’t want it to be the highlight of this post.  There was a domestic violence dispute where a woman ended up with a cut on her hand and the defendant plead not guilty.  This was a felony case because of the claim of the use of a deadly weapon.  When it came time to deliberate there were two different charges we could sentence the defendant with, or decide he’s not guilty.  The jury decided the harsher of the two, a felony.  The second decision was his sentencing.  Because he already had a felony on his record and spent time in jail, the Texas law requires a minimum sentence of 25 years.  My jury members wanted to really stick it to him so they gave him a 26 year sentence, as kind of a “ha ha”.  The defendant stood up, heard his sentence, ran his fingerprints, and went to jail until he likely will pass away.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever!!!  It’s a holiday where you eat, relax, meet up with friends/family, eat again, and hopefully be grateful.   This is the bee knees of holidays people, there’s nothing better.  (I also love all the shopping sales that closely follow. Ha!)  But it simply wouldn’t be a Thanksgiving without being able to say what you’ve been thankful for…

Wafiq and I have a ritual of saying what we’re thankful for almost daily. When times were a little tougher I think we would say them twice a day… Taking time to challenge each other in a grateful war always makes the mood brighter.  And it takes your mind off all that negative shit that’s stuck up in that brain of yours.

This year, I have TONS to be grateful for, so lets get into it!

Hell. Yes.  I love the Austin City Limits Music Festival. It comes at the perfect time, the end of the boiling hot Texas Summer.  The last hoorah!  Some of my favorite things include live music + being outside & the lighthearted energy.   (However, not a fan of festival crowds)

There’s a few pieces I’ve stalked & have my eyes on for festival time.  The cool part of festivals is that you can get really creative with your clothing… REALLY creative. And no one cares.   On my regular run to the Coffee Tea & Bean drive thru on Saturday mornings, I don’t feel as comfortable rolling up w/stick on tattoos & a bikini top.  Come festival time, it’s all creativity on deck!  OR you can opt to creativity, level 0 and no one cares, that’s the part I love.  If I’m feeling red lips or glitter, I’ll happily give it a try. If I’m feeling my pajama shirt & a make up free hippie spirit, I’ll do that too. FREEEEEEDOMMM!!  This year for me, I’m sticking to comfort.

Finally the day has come, we moved into a different space. Remember when I moved into this tiny apartment and I was so happy?  I believed that was literally all I needed in life, a perfect shelter.  I’m still on the small living environment kick, too much space gives me anxiety.   I know most people hate moving but I’ve decided I love it,  I’ve moved a lot and lived out of a suitcase more years in my life than I’ve had a closet.  Not really.

Getting rid of shit is my jam. It gives me the same excited butterflies you’re supposed to get when you see your significant other.  Moving forces you to really purge shit out.  All those things that Wafiq was making us hold on to because “we have space” are officially at Goodwill. And all the stupid clothes, cheap gimmicks and nonsense you can find on THIS list are gone!  Moving is a breeze because all our “things” (besides the bed, sofa, and TV) fit in a few boxes 🙂  Awww my favorite feeling.

One of the many reasons we’re so excited about our new place is that the view is open to trees, no more walking path!   What do you guys see when you look outside your window?  We started feeling a little like we were living in a hamster cage because our windows opened to a walking path that people loved to bring their dogs to, so we happy peeps right now.

As you may have heard, there’s a hurricane that recently f*cked up parts of Texas.  In Austin, we lost power for 20 hours & had wind + rain but nothing much larger than our regular storms.  Please remember, when you’re thinking of Houston and all the damage it’s done, there are several smaller communities that have been damaged as well & also need help + resources.  The less popular babies need attention too 🙂   I have to say, it’s refreshing to run through my Facebook feed and see all my Texas friends coming together to love & support one another.  No more wrestling over topics that don’t serve a purpose or creating fights & arguments because we’re bored.  There was awhile there I didn’t even check FB.  So, proud of Texas right now and proud to be a part of the state.

And mother earth must be freaking PISSED off right now, brewing storms all over the place.  EEEk. I pray everyone stays safe & cuddled with their people. Love love love.

Well well well if you follow me on Instagram and happened to see my Insta Story, you’ll know that I tried making a YouTube video showing how to French braid hair. 

I’m SO happy we experienced this now, while we’re in Texas & have the opportunity.  We felt like we were in an old Western movie.  I’m desperately searching for Western belt buckles & cowboy hats for both Wafiq & I.  There truly is nothing sexier than a Cowboy.   Take a trip to the Houston Rodeo & you’ll get it.

When I read this poem it made sense to me.  I was always moving, moving, moving, & going, going, going… I swear even if other people didn’t see it, all they had to do was be in my mind.  FULL of plans & what’s next, constantly.  So afraid of stillness because it meant being stuck.

I hate getting comfortable.  I’m 50% a lover of routine & my home BUT I’m 50% ready to pack a suitcase & start a new life-altering adventure next Tuesday.  Too much comfort gives me anxiety. That’s why, with the change of seasons, I try to get my shit together.  Mix in a couple planned trips, organize my memories, and throw things out!

I love investigating peoples routines & what they do every single day, meaning they’re obsessed.  For a long time that was Target for me.  Not a product, but a place.  I went to Target all the time & it was the one thing I desperately missed when I was out of the country.  I’ve gotten it together since then.  (*Amazon Prime*)

Last weekend we were walking around when it was rainy and cold, all the streets downtown were bustling with people & we both immediately felt like we were in another city.  So alive & streets filled with people, not to mention the cooler weather & rain made us feel like we were on vacation… Yes, rain and cold weather makes us feel like we’re on vacation, lived too many years in desert weather!

This list is quick & to the point!  But I highly recommend anything you can get checked off, whether you’re visiting now or in the future this list will work.