My Dumb Idea To Try The Master Cleanse

I’ve run out of things to talk about.

Which is why I’m going to tell you about my stupid idea to do the Master Cleanse.

Being in Dubai I’ve eaten SO much terrible food! In my opinion, terrible means non-organic, super processed, deep-fried, grease machine foods. That’s been my diet. As hard as I try it not to be.

Mostly because the food options here are limited. In Austin, I think most people are eating an organic/healthy diet without even trying. The organic grocery stores, restaurants, even fast food (shout out to P-Terry’s), tends to be easily accessible and affordable.

Dubai is most positively nowhere near the organic food train.

Anyways, since the day I came to Dubai, it’s been one of my major frustrations. I want to eat healthily. I feel better about myself, inside and out. Now that I’ve learned about the grocery stores that have little sections in the back corners with organic food, I decided I’m going to do my best to eat as healthy as I can. But I needed something to clear the old stuff out and prepare my belly for the new improved food.

That’s where my dumb idea for the Master Cleanse comes into effect.

I’ve wanted to do a detox/cleanse type thing for a long time. Not for any reason other than the fact that if indeed a detox did work, how neat would that be. I looked at Juice Cleanses but they felt too complicating. And the chances of me finding all the juice ingredients I needed was very unlikely. So I started reading about the Master Cleanse. I’m not going to lie to anyone here, this idea originated from that hot mom on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Yolanda. I mean, she can validate that the Master Cleanse is a good idea right?

I have to drink 6-10 glasses of lemonade made of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup for 10 days…

Did you read that right?? 10 DAYS!!!!

(What the hell was I thinking?!?!)

I have a “Smooth Move” tea at night and a “salt water flush” in the morning. (I’ll spare you the details of why)

And that’s it. For 10 days.

I’m on day 4. Barely.

On day 1 I wanted to die. I thought that might be a better option than fighting to survive. The headache alone nearly made my head fall off. I thought there’s no way I’m doing this for 2 whole days, much less 10! This is the dumbest idea I’ve ever had! And who would ever do this?! They’re liars!

On day 2 I was delusional. I almost passed out in the shower in the morning and couldn’t stop laughing in the afternoon.

On day 3 I felt sad. I wanted to eat. At this point, I wasn’t starving but I was realizing how important food is in life. Eating with friends, having popcorn at the movies, eating dinner with the family, morning coffee with coworkers. I felt I was missing out. I felt depressed.

On day 4. Today. I feel surprised. I can’t believe I made it this long. I was telling Wafiq on the way to work today that I might actually make it. Maybe I can do it. Still doubtful, but it’s possible. And with a very serious laugh, he responded, “You’ve lived 3 days now without actual food and you’re not dead so yeah you probably can make it”. As if “making it” in his head meant not dying.

So tomorrow I’m on day 5. I think that means by the time I sleep tomorrow I’m more than halfway done? I can’t promise I’m going to make it all the way to day 10. I want to. It will seriously be one of the largest achievements of my life, good Lord. But I also might need to eat a baked potato on the way home from work today. Who knows!