Life Chats: Self talk, bathing & filters
What a crazy few weeks it’s been! Do you know what’s annoying though? People who say they’re busy.
Nothing gets under my skin more. What a waste of valuable time & conversation, starting it by saying you’re busy. Hmm… seems we could do better.
News. We’re all busy! Next time you want to tell someone how busy you’ve been, remember these sentences & don’t. Because everyone is busy in their own way… (omgomg even worse? A competing conversation of who’s busier! I’ve heard it happen, don’t say it hasn’t.)
Social Media Filters:
I have something profound to say. It’s been on my mind: Social Media filters. I’m talking about the Snapchat ones or the “pretty filter” or the way people edit their photos. I’ve always thought filters were bullshit & harming human beings because they made people strive to be perfect – that’s what they see with these filters, perfect. Well, I’m changing my mind. I started having strong thoughts – why does the entire population feel like they have the right to see me in HD? With no filter. I don’t think anyone needs to broadcast every crevis of their being to the entire world, cuz that’s what social media has the power to do. Shouldn’t we be able to filter our lense & still have a presence? Nobody needs an HD, birdseye view of someone else’s life. You know? My strongest argument for the use of a filter is that at this point on social media – everything is filtered, every single part of it. We have to know that before using social media. Whether it’s a filter you can physically see or not – it’s all fucking filtered. In a way, you could consider throwing up an obvious filter better than trying to disguise a video or photo with a filtered photo that appears untouched… feel me?
Next time someone nags about a filter: you don’t deserve me in HD baby.
Slapping My Self-Talk Straight
A few weeks ago I told the woman who does my nails, let’s call her T, that I’m getting married. I hadn’t gotten the ring yet, but I was about to go dress shopping (remember we thought we were going to have a wedding at one point) & the engagement kind of slipped out of my mouth. For me, getting married almost feels casual so I didn’t filter it out of conversations easily. She asked if I was busy lately & I said “yes because I’m getting married so I’ve been shopping for a dress, ring, planning, and stuff”. Her face stopped dead after I said I’m getting married. I realized this is a reaction I forgot happens when you tell people you’re getting married so I had to PIVOT.
“Ahhh Yes I’m getting MARRIED!! EEeeeek!”
I won’t say it didn’t feel good to be excited, I like being excited about anything. My dog had great bowels the other day & I ran outside tiny clapping my hands.
Eventually, T cried. She cried & I felt… like a deer in headlights. My body was moving from my physical self, closer to her. Airborne. I have a loop of self-talk that doesn’t shut the fuck up & has a pretty consistent message. It’s terrible. My loop is always saying I should be doing better, being nicer, smarter, making more money, contributing to my relationship, being more thoughtful, stronger, healthier, resurfacing past mistakes. Everything. Always.
As T was crying, she said “You Know Katie, It’s just… it’s just. I really love you. You mean so much to me. Every time you come you are so nice to me. You always like your nails, my work. You talk with me and make me so happy. I really really love you so much”
T slapped my self-talk across the face and said: “stay away you little bitch!”
I listened to T like I was a scientist. I was also the subject of my studies. I was examining her words, her emotion, her incredibly genuine expression of love. I was taking notes. Then calling on my brain to adjust. Pay attention. Intake of this information.
I’m so worried about myself all the freaking time, meanwhile I’m out here actually connecting with people? Making them dare I say, happy? Here I am, in front of a woman that is telling me she LOVES me, more than once. She used the word love. I’m fully submerged in my year of love discovery but I still have a hard time with it. They have that emotion, that delicate feeling, and it’s for me. I have work to do, because I love her too. She also makes me so happy & every time I see her I’m calm. My mind chatter stops, I feel okay, I’m relaxed. I love her too.
I’ve been seeing her for years & have oddly been through a lot with her. Remember when I had a cough attack choking myself out the door with my hands wet & thought I would never show my face again?
I wanted to share this story because even if you think you’re sucking at something, you might not be. Actually, you’re probably not sucking at all. Give your mind a chance to think that way & see what happens.
Bathing
Oh! You know something I’ve been doing? BATHS. What. the. fuck. Baths!? Ummm, I repeat, BATHS?!
Yeah. If you know, you know what’s coming. BATHS ARE THE RICH MONEY. How & why did I not accept this knowledge earlier? Wafiq has always been into baths & I (omgomg) called him a BABY for liking them. What’s wrong with me? If you haven’t bathed recently, go clean & then fill your bathtub with warm water, Epsom salt, and a little lavender essential oil. Thank me later as your world will be forever changed.
Now that I dropped that gift on your doorstep, gots to go!
Love you LOTS (my goal is to say that in real life when I see you)
be thoughtful
Xx
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