Life Chats: loving yourself, sept 11, & honda’s
Welcome sweet October! I saw a quote on Instagram today that said “Fall is a reminder that change can be beautiful.” Change is something I’ve always made effort to put in my life, but it’s my least favorite feeling. No matter how often, even good change, makes me cry.
These life chats are kind of fun because I can ramble. However, I try to keep my sentences short & my stories to a minimum, there isn’t anything worse than someone who won’t shut the fuck up. I hope you guys listened to someone today.
My sweet fam
Loving You
Wafiq’s reading this book I can’t wait to get my hands on *patiently waiting for him to finish* – It’s called “12 Rules For Life” by Jordan Peterson. If you’re a Joe Rogan Podcast listener, you’re familiar. Wafiq was telling me (learned from his reading) we need to take care of ourselves the same way we would take care of a loved one. For example, you wouldn’t let your child miss his annual physical or their dentist appointment or eat chocolate all day or not get involved in a social activity. Hell, I make sure my dog has enough social time. So why don’t we take care of ourselves the same way? I really loved that. Because for me, it’s even my self-talk. I would never tell a kid who cut their finger “you’re-going-to-die-of-some-crazy-infection-that’s-going-to-take-over-your-body-before-you-can-catch-it so-you-should-go-live-in-a-hospital-forever-so-there-are-constant-doctors-around-you”… So why do I do that to myself?
I’ve ALSO been on a huge bender about my inner voice, specifically when it’s speaking on my physical appearance. I think, forever I’ve been critical of myself, what girl isn’t? You know, very little things for me. I’ll get dressed & “feel fat” or notice my boobs look bigger or I’m bloated or something that’s bothering me. And I’ll have that in my mind. Annoyed. Cuz perfection is possible. (wtf) On Instagram, I always hear women apologize for recording while they think their hair is a little messy or their makeup isn’t on… I’m working savagely at not doing that. For example, if I try on a dress & feel a little bloated I don’t affirm the thought – instead I’ve been saying I look fucking beautiful. No one but me notices or would even validate my concerns – so I’m not going to either. This has been helping me A LOT recently. I tell my body “i love you”. I rub my tummy & say “thank you for working so hard & taking care of me. I’m going to do my best to help you with good thoughts & nutritious food.” Guys, yes. I do this shit. I’m practicing loving me in all the ways. (If I haven’t lost you after the anxiety post, this one should do it, lol!)
Crazy Shit
Ok I’ve been wanting to tell you guys this info but haven’t found the correct place, this seems right. Wafiq & I have two cars. One is a Honda & one is a Mercedes. When we drive the Mercedes no one fucks with us. No middle fingers get pointed our way, no one cuts us off, no one honks their horn – it’s peaceful. When we drive the Honda? HOLY. SHIT. Literally every single time I’m in the Honda you guys, I get honked at & possibly flicked off. Every. single. time. This took time to prove to Wafiq but he’s recently accepted it, because I provided evidence. I’m the same driver of both cars but people treat me incredibly differently. It’s mind-blowing. I’ll even try some tricky shit in the Mercedes “knowing” I’ll get flicked off but nope, people let it slide. When I drive the Mercedes now I’m like the police of other cars bullying the sweet Honda’s on the road. And to be clear, this makes me want to buy another Honda. I have a point to prove. I mean what does this say about our society??
Septemeber 11
Oh! And you know what was interesting – Septemeber 11. Every anniversary of Sept 11 feels a little more disturbing for me. As I get older I realize more and more just how horrific of a disaster it really was. You know what I mean? I was pretty young at the time & although I knew it was a huge tragedy, something about age makes that realization even more apparent. This year I asked Wafiq about it. Sometimes I forget to hear his input because in my head – he wasn’t even in the United States. He was young. He’s not even American. It’s been so many years. But, this year I chatted with him & realized Sept 11 carries a lot of significance for him too. Since then, Arabs have been racially profiled & the terrorist race in every single movie & tv show. The Muslim religion he grew up being a part of has been scrutinized & picked apart by people with no religious interest. I think a lot has progressed since 1999, but it’s definitely a marking point. Wafiq went to an American school for American Military children that had parents stationed in the Middle East. Needless to say, that day rocked Wafiq too. His friends, the American’s, were immediately pulled out of school & a lot of them were sent home to the US. For obvious reasons. The class sizes shrunk. And things changed. Being a kid, as he was at the time, I’m sure that was incredibly confusing especially with everything that came after that.
Maybe someday I’ll force him to write out what he remembers of that day, {I’ll be sure to edit it & make his storytelling easy to read}.
I definitely don’t want to leave on a somber note! I didn’t share that story for any other reason than applying effort to hear more than one perspective on any situation. Like, the EARTH isn’t the United States. You know?
This blogging situation is a little odd cuz it’s obviously one-sided. Me, here at a computer, typing out the voices in my head on to a computer screen. But you can and should always read & welcome your own thoughts into the conversation. I hope you do that with everyone you talk to & everything you hear. I think we should all be trying UBER hard to think on our own. You don’t even have to say your thoughts out loud. Listening is powerful. Listen & allow yourself to have a conversation with your own developed thoughts. I know that sounds obvious, but we’re almost trained not to do that. We’re kind of taught to agree, nod along, do what’s next, follow the timeline, listen to the “professionals”, don’t break the rules, drive in this lane, study that, be “appropriate”, color in the lines, trim your beard, behave well. Before you know it, what are we believing & how are we acting? Do we even know? You know what I mean? Even though I think this way, I still work at developing my own thoughts.
I hope you all have a great start of this sweet month of October. Love u.
Be thoughtful