How Wafiq Met Katie

Woohoo Wafiq & I are engaged! I can’t tell you how excited this makes me! How excited this makes both of us!

We met while we were in college. Not at college, at the club. Not a bar with several large tv’s & beer on tap, no. At a CLUB with loud music, neon lights, a DJ, I believe there were drummers that night, cigarettes (ew not me) and liquor. Shots! Shots! Shots! You know the kind? I think it was 2009?

Individually, we liked partying. We lived for it. Sequin dresses, Armani shirts, strong perfume, our crew, highest heels, shots for everyone & being WILD. I say wild because that was always the goal. For the first few years we weren’t in a relationship. I liked the drama of chasing someone who wasn’t interested. I can’t speak for Wafiq but I think he liked trying to live the American dream of being a guy partying with the bros. If you read any quotes about love or relationship advice – I did the exact opposite. The list of things you should not do? I followed them. That’s why I steer away from advice-giving because somehow this relationship that started on sharp rocks worked.

Once Wafiqs friends started graduating & he moved out of his house of “bros” he decided to like me. We moved in together, way earlier than we should have considering the roller coaster of years prior. But since that day, moving in together, everything felt like team: US.

You’ll notice, we have no moment where we became boyfriend or girlfriend, or first date, or anything along those lines – we never found a moment in the story where it made sense.

After a year or 2, the looming date of his student visa expiration was upon us & we realized shit was going to get funky. I absolutely hated my job at the time, came home deathly crying over & over again, which he saw. What was the point of fighting to stay in the United States longer when I was so unhappy at my job? So in 2013 we decided to move to Dubai. He barely told his parents. I barely told mine.

{That’s when all the bullshit about moving together when you’re not married started, I still don’t understand dumb advice like that. As if marriage is going to make the move better? Like married people never fuck up? And I wanted to go to Dubai to be wild & free, individually. That sounds cheesy but it’s the words to describe my young brain that I love so much. I didn’t want to be married. I didn’t want to be tied down. I was trying to LIVE. I stand by our timeline here & am glad I brushed off all the adults suggesting marriage.}

In Dubai, I never felt so supported by anyone in my life than I did from Wafiq. I didn’t realize I was going to need him so badly & he stepped up at a time he really didn’t have to. I can’t compare it to anything I’ve felt before that. There were dozens {probably millions} of times in between tears that he could’ve suggested I go back home or I could’ve decided to leave. Unsaid, we were in it together. Living in Dubai was the major turning point in our relationship. I’m glad I got to truly experience the lifestyle there, a place on the globe he calls home. That decision makes sense now & I’m glad we did it before getting married.

In 2015, when we came back to the United States, we met with an immigration lawyer that told us Wafiq would have a better chance at processing through immigration while he was in the United States than if he went home (since he was questioned last time he went through customs). That wasn’t the plan, he still had a job in Dubai. He was only supposed to be visiting. His family & friends expected him to be coming back home. But, he decided to take his chances & stay or he might not have another one. To say that was a difficult decision is an understatement. True friendships emerged & unfortunate relationships were broken. A line was made that day in crystal clear sand that we still remember – vividly.

From there, Wafiq was stuck with his hands behind his back. He had to go through immigration without being able to work, the loss of a support system & being away from home, which lasted years. I scrambled to find a good enough job. Wafiq, myself & Bernice lived in our friend’s extra bedroom (thank uuu!) because we literally had no money to our name & little resources. Those friends are our shining light at this time. They put zero pressure on us, 100% support, and limitless kindness (I don’t even know if my heart is as big, true angels). We had to beg Wafiq’s sister for money (omg) – because all of our money, time, & energy went into the immigration process. We almost got married in the backyard of the AirBnb we were staying at in Los Angeles & sometimes I wish we did. Because it was then, when a majority of the advice we were given was to separate, that we knew we weren’t even considering doing that.

Over & over we’ve been choosing each other. In each moment, we pick together rather than apart.

A marriage almost feels too systematic. Too much in the lines. When Wafiq & I have both individually & together never really followed the system, expectations or rules. I kept waiting for the moment when marriage would make sense or be a desire, but it was always an afterthought. Our life was too busy, living & making the next move. I noticed people pressuring Wafiq about marriage as if I was waiting for a ring, but it felt like such a team conversation for us. When I think about marriage now, I get nervous about all the attention & people eyeing what feels like a personal journey Wafiq & I have had.

However, we decided it’s time to call each other husband & wife. There’s excitement with just those words that we don’t get to enjoy & we want to!

These days, we work really really hard at our relationship. We talk about EVERYTHING. We don’t ignore sticky, uncomfortable situations. We argue & have fights. We stick up for ourselves & eachother. It’s not always glamorous or like a classic fairytale. We want to be better, together. We always come out the other side a little stronger, a little more confident in ourselves and our relationship. This is the part of the conversation that makes me emotional because I’m so proud of it. We’ve been making relationship moves for years now {#werk}.

And that’s why, although this engagement was planned, I feel more excited than I expected. The plan we’ve been creating & the work we’ve been putting into each other for years – makes me proud & excited to share. Like, it makes sense to let others into our little secret world together now! Last weekend, we went to a special dinner downtown, across the street from the club we met at, ate our favorite meal, listened to pretty music, skipped alcohol, toasted with a glass of water – all to the engagement we were about to announce. & it made us giddy, together.

Now you ALL know I’m a freakinggg GRINCH when it comes to weddings. The stress & exhaustion?? Shoot me. I don’t foresee a wedding party, bridesmaids, groomsmen, classic wedding music, church or anyone telling us what we can & can’t do, no makeup & hair, or getting up at the butt crack of dawn or wedding books, or bachelorette parties or spending all our monies. I’ve said that before & I’m sticking to it even though it’s technically “my turn”.

We had a wedding celebration planned for January in the Middle East, but it got too big. Unfortunately, we couldn’t make what we vision happen so we ditched the entire thing a few weeks ago & felt instant relief. Holy pressure you guys, we started feeling {what now I’m guessing a lot of couples feel} the pressure of planning. You want one thing & everyone else wants something else. We refused to show up to a wedding for us that we didn’t even want to be at, like draaag – you know?

SO! Will a wedding happen? I don’t know, we’ll decide if that makes sense for us. I’m as curious as you are to see where that road leads.

For now, thank you for letting me share our story with you! Thank you to everyone & anyone who’s congratulated us & especially the people who came all the way to this sentence to follow along, I love you so much. I hope you enjoyed this snapshot & I’m so excited to call the sexiest man on the planet earth my husband. rawrrr

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