Dating a Muslim Immigrant, During the Muslim Ban

Let’s start with figuring out exactly who & where Muslims are. Muslims come in all shapes, forms, colors, backgrounds, beliefs, families, countries, parents, and lifestyles.

They do not all wear a hijab or thobe or have a long beard. They are not all brown. They are not all from the Middle East. (They ALL have long, black, thick, curly, beautiful eyelashes. I’ve researched this.)

Muslim-Immigrant-

As much as I would love to say I’m a scientist, political activist, or super genius and know everything about Muslims & the “Muslim Band” – I do not. I consider this information basic common knowledge. Or, being a human being.

Here’s something to throw you for a loop. Yes, I’m dating a Muslim so I’m a little more concerned about the Muslim Ban than the average non-muslim BUT, you too probably have Muslim friends. And you might not even know it. That’s right, I’m putting my money on the idea that you likely know a Muslim.

Sure, some Muslims pray at every call to prayer. But, some don’t pray at all. Some believe all words of the Quran. Some have never read the Quran.

I feel like the word MUSLIM is connected to an IMAGE. I’m not going to act high and mighty to this idea because I also used to think a Muslim looked like something. My biggest goal today is to paint a more realistic picture, because if there’s anything I learned about Muslim’s after living with them & dating one – there is no one image of what they all look like.

Muslims are white skin, Muslims are from a small town in Poland, Muslims are your suburban neighbors, Muslims donated to your charity, Muslims work at Starbucks, Muslims drive toyota’s, Muslims are Canadian, Muslims have blogs where they talk about fashion & dessert, Muslims wear gold chains & Adidas, Muslims wear short sequin dresses & fake nails, Muslims listen to Eminem, Muslims listen to Beyonce, Muslims are blonde, Muslims go running at 5:00pm after they leave work.

Muslims are from Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, and Yemen. They’re also from Jamaica, South Africa, Honduras, France, Canada, and The United States.

Muslim Ban — *Yes. I made him pose like this.*

Lucky me, I have my own little Muslim immigrant. With everything going on last week having this immigrant has kept my anxiety at a steady level 5. And, in order to keep the playing field fair, I’ve asked him a thousand terrifying questions, staring directly into his eyes, waiting for him to feel the same anxiety that I have.

The truth is, he doesn’t.

Being allowed entry to the United States is not something new for Wafiq. Getting a visa to enter the US is a much bigger conversation than those of us fortunate enough to carry the passport will understand.

Wafiq & I have been struggling the past two years with ways to break into the US immigration system. I think we’ve been in enough risky scenarios in the past 2 years that the current situation feels like a breeze. That’s the reality of immigration even if you’re trying to do it legally. Wondering if we’ll get through US customs (I say we’ll cuz I’m considering us as one in this situation) every time we enter the US, is our normal. Countless times I’d be waiting at the customs exit doors crossing all my fingers & toes that my precious Muslim immigrant would come through without being denied & sent back home. Two years ago, after a grueling customs process, we were told by an immigration lawyer that approved Visa’s get denied IN THE AIRPORT all the time. They don’t need to give a reason either.

Immigration is tough. No matter what side you’re on.

I want people to know, no matter what side you’re on, it’s ok. You can still be compassionate. You’re still a human being. Some people/families are hurting, some are not. It’s ok to push your opinions aside (trust me, we all know them) and be a human being to another human being. That’s literally it. Act as you would toward another species of your own.

FOR EXAMPLE:: if you live next door to a Mexican family that’s being deported & the immigration officers come knock on the door & strip the parents from the house as the kids cry – but you agree that illegal immigrants should be deported. You’re torn right? You feel bad for the family being broken up, but you support the deportation of illegal immigrants. There are two ways to act – You sympathize, feel compassionate & act like a human being OR you scream out the door “GOOD! LEAVE YOU MEXICANS! GET OUT OF HERE!”, possibly with a huge sign.

Don’t be the one screaming out the door.

There’s opinions & loud noise flooding every outlet of social media, television & papers. But you don’t have to do that. You can, but you don’t have to. Why not have a conversation with your friends, ask the Muslims you know (because you know one, trust me) how they’re doing. What they think about everything. Having that compassion, completely disregarding loud opinions, is so completely refreshing. Genuinely see what the fuck is up, salam aleikum my friend. (I just like using the minimal Arabic that I know, forgive me.)

With everything so elevated, it’s a wonderful time to have a conversation. And you DO NOT have to push anyone into feeling bad, scared, or anxious – like I did trying to worry Wafiq.

At this point my precious immigrant is milking it:

“Katie, please hand me the remotes, I need to watch TV all night to distract me from the problems” “Katie, please make me dinner, my stomach is hurting, it must be the stress”. “Katie, if you go buy me a large Toblerone I’ll feel much better as it’ll remind me of home.” “Katie, Maybe playing video games all day will put me at ease”

(WTF have I done) Muslim-Immigrant-(3)

Maybe you’ll talk to someone with a visa & they won’t be super bothered by this Muslim Ban or immigration regulation. Figure out why. Maybe they have a spin on things that you didn’t understand before. Now is the time to be a human being, be kind, be thoughtful, and ask questions. Keep an open mind & listen.

We’re choosing to be patient through this process, like we have been. I don’t believe the end of big change is near, so taking it day by day while eating Toblerone’s & watching American Crime Story, is how we’re handling current events for now. It’s still very good to be alive.