Anxiety versus Nerves

This post is for anyone struggling with anxiety & has had someone tell them, they get nervous too. When I used to toss the word anxious around, I had no idea what true anxiety meant. I associated anxiety, with nerves. But they’re different for a lot of people.

First, let’s get this out of the way. YOU can say whatever you want to describe your feelings. Of course! Because words are just words. And if you can find words that describe what you’re feeling – then you should use them. I want to explain the scope of a few specific words, simply because sometimes they’re hard for people who don’t go through them to understand.

If you’ve ever dealt with depression & tried telling someone you think you’re depressed & they say “Well what are you sad about?”

Or you’ve dealt with anxiety & after telling someone they say “What are you so worried about?”

As if having an answer is easy. And then having a solution is easy too. Like, just don’t be sad or anxious, right?

For a lot of people dealing with depression, anxiety or any other mental illness – it’s hard to answer what probably sounds like easy questions.

I remember doing a “Ropes Course” in college that was supposed to build trust. You climb to the top of a skinny pole that is about 300 feet in the sky & then walk on tiny little ropes to other poles up in the sky. I went up to the top of the pole like everyone else in my group because I truly felt like Tarzan that morning, when I got to the top I was freaking the fuck out as my two feet squeezed together hung over the tiny pole head I was positioned on. The poles were moving in the wind. The instructor came over & gave me a big 5-minute speech about trusting this process, my partner & my group to help me through the course. “Am I going to give up? Am I going to let my nerves & mind get the best of me?” It was a great speech & he was talking to my fears. Because, that was nervousness that I was feeling. I wasn’t dealing w ongoing anxiety or panic, I was fucking nervous because I was convinced the poles were moving so I wanted to save my life. Ultimately, I was escorted safely to the ground & I was the only one who did NOT complete the trust course. I don’t regret anything. My trust doesn’t need to lie in the hands of skinny poles in the sky. ANYWAY, that was nerves. I was nervous. Could I have pushed through? Probably. I use this example to show you a high level of nerves, and what I would have then called anxious feelings.

But that’s not the way I describe anxiety today. I didn’t have a panic attack that day or anxiety – I had nerves. And fear. (that I probably could’ve pushed through, shhh)

I realized after having my first panic attack & then ongoing anxiety that the word ANXIETY had a new level of existence. What the fuck is this? I couldn’t identify with what I was going through as anxiety because in my mind, being anxious meant nervous. And I could easily work through nerves. I’ve done plenty of public speaking, moved to a few countries by myself, left home after high school, been on 47 blind dates – if you’re looking to conquer a level of nerves or even anxiety, I’m your girl.

Little did I know how far anxiety could expand. How it can be debilitating. How it can steal your joyful moments. How it can be CONSTANT. A scary conversation with your own mind that doesn’t stop, ever. Ending the day exhausted, even if you physically did nothing, the ongoing conversation with yourself is excruciating to the point that you can’t wait to put your head down at night. How anxiety can be more than an anxious feeling that is fleeting, but a scale that slides all the way up & almost all the way down, but rarely reaching relief at the bottom. Knowing this way of living exists, I wanted a bigger term than: anxiety. That can’t be it, just anxiety? Just anxiousness? No fucking way.

Yes way. Anxiety is the word.

These days, I’m more specific when describing my feelings. I still get nervous, that exciting nervous that you feel & then overcome & feel proud after. You know that feeling? It’s challenging but good. I would say I still get anxious, but now that term is on a scale. I can get a low level of anxiety, but it can also spike. I use the word anxiety only when it’s present & it doesn’t feel comfortable & I have to put in the work to manage it. I’m probably not fully present & I might need a few minutes… or days. Basically, if I have anxiety, it’s not going away as easily as nerves. There’s no eject button.

nerves and anxiety

If you know someone who might be struggling with anxiety, depression or any other mental illness ask them how you can help. Maybe they’re in a slump or hiding or you noticed they’re acting different or they might even share with you what they’re going through – ask them what you can do. Maybe you won’t be able to do anything. Maybe you can softly count breathe with them while being quiet (you’d be surprised how impactful that can be). Maybe you can hug them over & over & over & over again. Maybe you’ll have to give them space, maybe you’ll have to talk about you’re silly workday to break their inner dialogue, maybe you’ll have to open the shades to let the sunshine in, or maybe you’ll have to do absolutely nothing – but it doesn’t hurt to ask.

I would challenge you to use caution when asking why someone is anxious or depressed, especially if you don’t get a straight answer. Think outside the box. Remember the scope of the mental games some people are going through. Don’t stick in the lane you know, veer off & see if you can be more helpful than a simple response. You never know, you just never know.

One of my favorite quotes is “Respect people’s feelings. Even if it doesn’t mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them.” I read this as: you don’t have to understand. Why are we working so hard to understand anyway? And put a term on what someone is else going through, or find a quick solution for them? Instead, see what & if you can do anything to help, knowing you may not understand. And that’s ok, because that’s not the goal. How much easier is that actually?

Remember, for some people anxiety is more than succeeding at a Ropes Course & a pep talk. Anxiety can be constant, without a trigger or description. Anxiety, depression, mental games – you can’t see them. People look like they’re functioning wonderfully while simultaneously going to battle in their minds. Remember that.

I love you. So much. I promise I do.

Like I suggest with anything, even if you don’t have anxiety, have an open mind & try to understand it the best you can. You’ll probably never be able to fully understand the mind of someone that deals with constant anxiety or the feeling of a panic attack, but you can do your best. I do my best to understand as many things as I can so I can be as thoughtful as possible with fellow human beings. It’s much better than making assumptions.