5 Lessons I Learned In Small Talk
Some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned the past 3+ years comes from small talk. Usually, small talk occurs with people you don’t know very well but need to quickly fill the silence. Well, those conversations added up to these big lessons.
Somehow I end up in conversations with a variety of people ranging in age and demographic, I tend not to bail out of conversations quickly if other people are committed to them. I made a game up with myself to keep talking as long as the other person is to see how (fucking) long they’ll go. omgomg. I can’t believe how a random person will talk for hours???!! & I’ll never see them again!
I think I told you I worked in a Kiosk while living in Dubai, I can confirm from that experience that random people will literally tell you their entire life story without caring that I will never, ever, ever see them again. Bizarre.
The below lessons are things I’ve learned from bosses in the past, people viewing homes, salespeople, and conversations in general. I hope we can all relate & remember these lessons ourselves when days get busy!
5 Lessons I Learned From Small Talk
1. Be Humble In Age:
In Austin especially, people that have been living here for 60+ years tend to have a chip on their shoulders about the growth of the city. “Austin’s not what it used to be, such a shame.” If you know me, you know my answer to that is boo-hoo. Change is inevitable, it’s the last thing I stress about (& I stress about a lot of shit). I expect change & get anxious when my life has been routine for too long. When the Notre Dame burned down I thought it was slightly ridiculous to spend $1B rebuilding it. History is, history. We can’t preserve everything, and I don’t think we should even try to. Back to my point, if I could tell you the number of older people that I’ve spoken to that fill the conversation with complaining – about everything… you’d want to die young. I believe older people are wise & some have an abundance of adventurous stories – but complaining makes them too predictable to explore anything further. I’m trying to live my life on this precious earth enjoying each phase of it & I hope that I continue to enjoy myself as I grow older. When I see an 18 year old partying or plastered all over social media with juicy lips or skipping college to start a career – I DON’T think: “everyone should be caring about their education FISRT! That’s how we did it! tisk tisk”. Like, how boring. They’re growing up in a different time in history than I did, that’s that.
It’s rare for me to meet an older person that embraces today, while cherishing the past for what it was. Both today, and yesterday can be right. My young brain thoughts are, if I live each phase of my life to its maximum potential, hopefully I won’t miss it. I’ll be able to embrace the present even when I’m older. Constant complaining, at any age, with any amount of education, is literally painful.
2. You’ll Always Want More, But You Don’t Need It:
In my present moment, I have a hard time understanding how more space is so desirable. I would say 90% of the people I talk to want a significantly bigger house. I ask everyone this question now because it’s so fascinating to me. People say they need the guest room, the large media room, the big room for each child & more potential children to come, the office for him & for her, a flex space, playroom, large living room, a minimum square footage, ect. As they get what they want – they want more. The wanting never stops. After looking at houses & hearing people talk about their desires, I always end up craving something small. A small space to squeeze into. A big space means exactly that, big. More space to hoard unnecessary things, more space for everyone to separate, more space to spend money that doesn’t need to be spent. My goal is to have something comfortable, know what that is, then stop wanting more. Maybe I should move to New York City.
3. Time Is The Most Valuable Resource, to Everyone:
Every so often I see people that want everyone’s attention. This happens in many scenarios that it’s hard to land on one example. I met a man who came with his realtor to an open house, he had his realtor following him around as he asked questions, he wrangled Wafiq in to ask questions, and managed to catch the listing agent to ask questions at the same time – with no actual interest in buying. That’s 3 professionals he had requested full attention from for as long as he could keep it, while others were waiting. That same guy came back later with additional questions that he’d already had answered. When I had a desk job, I would get perverts standing there talking to me for HOURS & there was nothing I could do because it was my desk, in my office, with nowhere to go. I’ve seen people standing at the entrance of open houses asking everyone who came in what they thought of the neighborhood, almost trapping their time. Or people at a restaurant that want their waitress, the one assigned to the next table, the hostess & the chef all to cater to them. Time is the most valuable resource, make sure you’re not wasting it for yourself, and others.
4. However, Allowing Time for A Quick Conversation is Valuable
I’m the worst at small talk. The worst because I equally hate doing it & I’ve ended up being incredibly awkward more times than I want to remember. I’m used to talking about death & aliens so asking how your day is going almost makes me want to throw up on myself – I don’t know how to respond once you say “good”. However, people who take a few minutes to have a quick conversation end up having a tremendous impact, whether I want to admit it or not. Human beings feel better when there’s at least a little human interaction in their daily routines. This can be anywhere – at the coffee shop or when talking to a salesperson at Nordstrom.
When I was living in Dubai, there was no such thing as small talk at the grocery store. Small talk didn’t exist with people in public spaces. Living that way for almost 2 years fucked w me. When I came back to the States & the grocer at Whole Foods asked “what are your plans this weekend” as she was scanning my groceries, I stopped dead. I had no idea how to respond. I went to my car & cried because I felt happy. In America, we’re SO used to these small loving touches that we intentionally skip them when we can (I’m talking to myself too). But human interaction, even short ones, are the sweetest treat to our souls whether we realize it or not.
5. Trends are Trends
I’ve been looking at homes long enough to see the CLEAR definition that trends are just that, TRENDS. Styles, preferences, designs all change drastically within a few years. That’s helpful information, if you’re holding on to something that isn’t popular right now, it might be soon. If you purchase an older home or one with a unique design or layout, it might circle back around to be the hot trend in a few years that you can capitalize on now. I love using this information to make practically any preference you have in your life – acceptable. Diets, ideas, style, design, thoughts, floorplans – the popular choice changes constantly so don’t spend too much time stressing about whether other people like it now, or not…
Those lessons are things I have been carrying with me for a while now so I’m glad I got to write them out! Hopefully, we can reference them coming into the holiday season when people are in an extra hurry always wanting more.
If you have any juicy lessons human interactions have taught you, share below!
Love you,
be thoughtful
Xx