At this point, when you hear about another shooting, don’t you feel physically sick? After waking up on Monday morning & hearing about the horrific events that happened in Vegas on my drive to work I had a ton of anxiety & sadness, but it eventually turned into sickness & nausea. I do a really good job at ignoring a majority of the world’s problems, including issues close to home. I’m too aware of them & when I pay attention, everything eats me alive in anxiety.
But it’s as if we’re living in a fucked up war movie, in the United States.
This killer can’t feel the energy of the people watching a fun country music concert? He’s looking at everyone sharing excitement together, feeling free, spreading love and joy but can’t translate that feeling to himself? He wants to end it? For SO many people?
This is scary.
I heard a few things that I thought were worth sharing.
One – I’m horrified at this point about how easy it is to obtain such a large amount of damaging assault weapons. This is the part of the conversation that makes me nauseated. I understand being able to defend yourself, the 2nd amendment, and owning a weapon. But I’m having the hardest time understanding why this particular extreme type of defense is allowed, or needed. (Jimmy Kimmel spoke on this much better than I did: HERE.) People ask me all the time if I felt safe in Dubai, it’s time’s like this that remind me why I felt so safe. I never heard about a shooting, I never saw a gun or gun shot, I never had that fear. In America, we do, all the time.
Attention All: We have a new motto in our household. I’m putting the same test on you & your household as well. No more “I can’t wait for…”
I’ve never been someone who’s said “I can’t wait for…” or “I can’t wait when…” very often but I caught myself the other night. I kid you not, Wafiq & I said approx 4 times in a row an “I can’t wait for…” sentence. “I can’t wait for us to get the new computer screen”, “I can’t wait for the new speaker”, “I can’t wait for…”. We sat down on our badass couch in front of our huge ass TV in our treehouse home and started laughing. WTF. We have everything we’ve ever wanted right here in front of us. There were moments we couldn’t wait to have our own space, we couldn’t wait to get through the immigration process (& payments), we couldn’t wait to make money… and here we are with all of those things fully accomplished.
And now we’re acting like we need more?!?
Even when we barely had our own room to sleep in, we rarely said out loud how much we couldn’t wait to have our own place. I think we both knew if we started to focus on the things we didn’t have, we could end up in a dark, miserable tunnel of misery. So we rarely talked negatively.
It’s interesting once you start having “things” you start focusing on more things, for some reason. I think accidentally. I laughed out loud when I heard myself. We both did. And we said, no more! It’s freaking ridiculous what we’re doing. And instead, we focused on watching the season premiere of Survivor.
As you may have noticed, I write “be thoughtful” at the end of all my posts. When I started writing regularly I wanted to think of something to end with. Something short, that I genuinely wanted readers to leave w/every day. I thought about “be nice” or “be kind” because there’s nothing better than a nice person, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, you shouldn’t be nice. You should be strong. You should be loud & badass & stick up for yourself, which might not be nice. I might actually suggest “be mean”.
I came up with “be thoughtful”. If you slow down & you’re thoughtful of the people you’re interacting with, you’ll know whether to be nice or to be mean. No one knows what’s going on w/the people they interact with every day and no one knows you.
I think this really amplified itself for me a year ago when I was dealing w/bad anxiety. I feel like I looked normal but was going through such a tough time in my head. I was trying to take things slow & gentle while I worked through my anxiety, and I felt fragile. But people didn’t know that.
One issue I had was driving anxiety. American’s driving is the single thing I HATE the most about America. It’s also one of the only times I use the word hate. Moms, dads, young people, old people, men, women, they all drive like a tasmanian devil. It’s crazy to me! We have these huge machines we’re plowing recklessly through traffic with and have no worry? And where are we always rushing to? Why are we rushing? We’re a product of our environment, American’s are glued to time. My advice is to say fuck it & leave work early, take your time to your kids soccer game, so you can show up alive.
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