April 18, 2017
“If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.” – Thomas Jefferson
Making friends is like finding a boyfriend. It’s not easy. Especially if you’re looking for a good friend & you’re not a smoking hot professional cheerleader.
Like a boyfriend, you can date a lot of people & be pretty happy, but finding that one good one is hard. Same with friends. You can have a lot of them, but finding those really good friends that you love like family is hard to find.
I’ve never been the girl with a long list of friends. I wouldn’t be the one with 20 bridesmaids or 1,000 people at my wedding. There’s a huge part of me that has always been envious of those people. They were able to cultivate friendships from high school & college that stayed with them their whole lives. I love that & am honestly impressed & a little envious…
I’m the one that could stay at home 99% of my life, only to go get food & walk my precious angel dog, but other than that I’m good to go at home. I remember the one thing that hurt my feelings the most, from 2 of my ex boyfriends, was when they said I don’t have any friends. AH! In context, it wasn’t meant to hurt my feelings, it was immature boys trying to get away with hanging out with their single friends all the time, which I can understand – but hearing them tell me I have no friends was so fucking embarrassing. Because it was a little true. Since then, I’ve done better at making friends & am now a little more outgoing, because I have to be… But if you have no friends, don’t worry. I’ve apparently been there, twice.
So, meeting people has always been something I work at. I’ve been super lucky in the sense that I’ve had a few really awesome friendships in my life that showed me how important friendships are. Some helped me grow, some challenged me, some helped me worry less, some helped me be more confident, some taught me a lesson. Because of how much each friendship helped shape me, I know the value good friendships have.
The whole reason I’m putting this post together is because I started hearing people talk about friendships. Maintaining friendships that were once strong but are going through change. Looking for new friends that are easy to be around & share similar values. Keeping or making friends that have similar interests come Friday night. And simply the cycle of friendships. It’s a weird topic to bring up because we’re adults & how do you start talking about friends? Sounds elementary.
When we’re kids we have friends that like to play hop scotch & jump rope together. That’s pretty easy. But when we’re older, shit gets a little more complicated than jumping rope. In a good way, you get to actually talk. Have interesting conversations. Build each other’s character. But everyone is growing into their own lifestyle, opinions, locations, and families.
Because friends are similar to boyfriends, I think they should be treated the same way. You have to work hard to find the good ones, and then work to maintain them. Sitting inside, living within your routine, won’t bring new people into your lives. That doesn’t happen. You have to be available, by getting yourself out there.
And once you find a really awesome human being that you get to call a friend, you have to make sure to maintain the friendship. Give. Appreciate. Listen. Evolve.
And let a relationship have it’s cycle. Maybe it’ll go up & down. Someone’s busy, or going through a phase, or growing apart – Let that happen for a little while. It’ll come around. (That’s for friends, not boyfriends HA!)
What I figured out was that you can’t get comfy. You have to work at getting outside your routine & what’s normal. And like I said in my Money post, this doesn’t mean go out & spend money. Go for a walk, go to the park, go to the beach, go on a hike… Get creative! You don’t have classrooms with new students each semester, so you have to get your ass out there & open up to finding people.
As much as I would love to say Wafiq, my mom, and my dog are the only friends I need – I realize without good friends we’re still missing a whole other element to living. So don’t get stuck with you dog, or cats, or partners. Even though I would die a happy person & be very comfortable that way, I know there’s more!
Making friends sucks, but having friends makes it worth it. Take on the week ready to mingle like you’re single! Or maybe you’re both, get your boyfriends & friends all in one week!
Have a fabulous new day & be thoughtful,