I never know if I should write how I feel right when I’m feeling it or wait until I get my thoughts together… For example, Jury Duty. I walked out of Jury Duty feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I was fucking rocked, and scared, and anxious. For a week I couldn’t sleep without having nightmares. Surprisingly, my immediate reaction was to hate blogging. The first thought I had was “fuck my blog”. Although it’s my creative outlet, my experience on Jury Duty made me feel like I was wasting precious, valuable time working on my silly blog. I needed to be doing more! A week or so passed and I started thinking I need to write this all down in my blog, change my blog, change people! But then I felt I was too wrapped up in emotion, not thinking clearly. Now, I’m a month past Jury Duty and feel like I’m rational, yet still kind of wish I would’ve written everything down when I was irrational. When people are super expressive with feelings I listen to them, even if they’re wrong, there has to be parts to take away.
A month ago I had to report for Jury Duty. I recently registered to vote and the two results in that decision were (1) Donald Trump as my president (2) Jury Duty summons. Real winning decision making skills right there, Ha!
My first reaction with Jury Duty was, anxiety. Because that’s what I do best. “What if I have a panic attack while I’m there” “There’s no way out of this” “What if I can’t breathe” “What if I can’t talk” “How long will it take” “What if I don’t show up”. Welcome to my brain.
Everyone told me their Jury Duty stories & how they tried to get out of it or why they weren’t chosen or how strong minded they were so no way someone would pick them, or it’s probably a dumb case, so annoying to go to Jury Duty.
I had NO idea how fucking hard it would be for me. I happened to get chosen to be a Jury member. 12 out of 80 something people were chosen. I have a few thoughts on that. If you have an education, compassion, you’re smart, you listen, understanding, morals & ethics – you SHOULD be a chosen member for Jury Duty. When I started hearing what some of the other Jury contenders were saying, I thought holy Jesus I better be chosen. No way they’ll let these fucking stubborn assholes make a judicial decision, right?! And I was right – they chose me. And they should choose me. They should choose you too, if you’re smart and a good listener. It is your duty and it is your responsibility. ESPECIALLY if you’re making decisions about someones future. If you don’t do it, those stubborn assholes will, and that’s not acceptable.
The Case. I’m going to summarize what was a week long journey of my court case the best I can. In reality, the details of the case itself wasn’t the traumatizing part of Jury Duty so I don’t want it to be the highlight of this post. There was a domestic violence dispute where a woman ended up with a cut on her hand and the defendant plead not guilty. This was a felony case because of the claim of the use of a deadly weapon. When it came time to deliberate there were two different charges we could sentence the defendant with, or decide he’s not guilty. The jury decided the harsher of the two, a felony. The second decision was his sentencing. Because he already had a felony on his record and spent time in jail, the Texas law requires a minimum sentence of 25 years. My jury members wanted to really stick it to him so they gave him a 26 year sentence, as kind of a “ha ha”. The defendant stood up, heard his sentence, ran his fingerprints, and went to jail until he likely will pass away.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever!!! It’s a holiday where you eat, relax, meet up with friends/family, eat again, and hopefully be grateful. This is the bee knees of holidays people, there’s nothing better. (I also love all the shopping sales that closely follow. Ha!) But it simply wouldn’t be a Thanksgiving without being able to say what you’ve been thankful for…
Wafiq and I have a ritual of saying what we’re thankful for almost daily. When times were a little tougher I think we would say them twice a day… Taking time to challenge each other in a grateful war always makes the mood brighter. And it takes your mind off all that negative shit that’s stuck up in that brain of yours.
This year, I have TONS to be grateful for, so lets get into it!
Attention All: We have a new motto in our household. I’m putting the same test on you & your household as well. No more “I can’t wait for…”
I’ve never been someone who’s said “I can’t wait for…” or “I can’t wait when…” very often but I caught myself the other night. I kid you not, Wafiq & I said approx 4 times in a row an “I can’t wait for…” sentence. “I can’t wait for us to get the new computer screen”, “I can’t wait for the new speaker”, “I can’t wait for…”. We sat down on our badass couch in front of our huge ass TV in our treehouse home and started laughing. WTF. We have everything we’ve ever wanted right here in front of us. There were moments we couldn’t wait to have our own space, we couldn’t wait to get through the immigration process (& payments), we couldn’t wait to make money… and here we are with all of those things fully accomplished.
And now we’re acting like we need more?!?
Even when we barely had our own room to sleep in, we rarely said out loud how much we couldn’t wait to have our own place. I think we both knew if we started to focus on the things we didn’t have, we could end up in a dark, miserable tunnel of misery. So we rarely talked negatively.
It’s interesting once you start having “things” you start focusing on more things, for some reason. I think accidentally. I laughed out loud when I heard myself. We both did. And we said, no more! It’s freaking ridiculous what we’re doing. And instead, we focused on watching the season premiere of Survivor.
Last week I did something a little anxiety provoking by logging onto Facebook & scrolling through years of pictures. I don’t use Facebook very much anymore, and have never been a die-hard Facebooker. For a few years after graduating college I deleted my Facebook all together. No matter how much mind control you have, scrolling through a feed of highlights from everyone else’s life takes its toll on you. I felt myself questing decisions I was making & comparing, comparing, comparing! – so I let Facebook go. At the time it was fantastic. Since then I’ve rarely been using it & do my best not to get sucked into scrolling through my feed.
Ok, so this leads me to the other night, I stalked myself. I wanted to see what was up with Miss Katie in her good ol Facebook days. Years ago Facebook used to be a place where people posted full albums of a night out, dinner, vacation, dog, friend, time at the park. Not 1 photo, but an album of 50. These days Facebook is more business-y? And people sharing articles. Instagram took over photos I think. So I stalked back to the days of albums. I should continue by saying, I don’t like erasing past decisions, which is why I try not to delete anything that I posted myself. If I wanted to post it at the time, that’s how I was living life! OUI!
I felt pretty good after stalking. Solid life experiences I’ve been documenting.
BUT THEN, I came across this photo of myself on my apartment balcony and immediately remembered. MY FIRST DATING APP PHOTO. I think I was 21? Somewhere around there, and guys I put so much effort into this photo! The outfit, the lighting, the smile, the head tilt! Probably even the nails… I remember getting this shirt for $5 at Forever 21 & I never loved anything more.
My one & only dating app picture – on E Harmony
I put myself on EHarmony. EHarmony at 22. I remember feeling like the guys I was meeting on my own weren’t interested in anything more than going to church with their parents on Sunday mornings OR binge drinking on Monday nights. Not for me you know, can we land somewhere in the middle? So EHarmony (and blind dates) were my jam. I pretended I was on The Bachelor and had a new date every week, on Thursday nights. I had that system running for a long time… Thursday was perfect by the way, the date didn’t interrupt one of my already planned fun weekend nights but was late enough in the week to actually relax & enjoy the night. Highly recommend setting up a similar schedule if you’re single.
The problem with Eharmony was that no one wanted to date me. I think I was too young for the site? One of the dates that I landed was with this guy that met me for appetizers. He barely spoke & I don’t think listened to anything I said. But I was so excited for this date! I remember that. I can’t remember why, I think because he was older and it made me feel like he had to be more mature & maybe potential for a 2nd date?? Well we ate the apps, he took me to a nearby bar, and I saw a smile for the first time of the night when he looked up for the first eye contact of the evening and asked “what my sexual preferences were”.
Hell. Yes. I love the Austin City Limits Music Festival. It comes at the perfect time, the end of the boiling hot Texas Summer. The last hoorah! Some of my favorite things include live music + being outside & the lighthearted energy. (However, not a fan of festival crowds)
There’s a few pieces I’ve stalked & have my eyes on for festival time. The cool part of festivals is that you can get really creative with your clothing… REALLY creative. And no one cares. On my regular run to the Coffee Tea & Bean drive thru on Saturday mornings, I don’t feel as comfortable rolling up w/stick on tattoos & a bikini top. Come festival time, it’s all creativity on deck! OR you can opt to creativity, level 0 and no one cares, that’s the part I love. If I’m feeling red lips or glitter, I’ll happily give it a try. If I’m feeling my pajama shirt & a make up free hippie spirit, I’ll do that too. FREEEEEEDOMMM!! This year for me, I’m sticking to comfort.
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