Did You Know? Each year there are more new cases of skin cancer than the combined incidence of cancers of the breast, prostate, lung and colon. ( v i a )
Likely my favorite thing to talk about is fake tanning & bronze skin. Needless to say, I’m proud to finely share, promote, & push you towards fake tanning.
Summer is right around the corner & if you’re in Texas it’s already here. This means – SKIN.
The sun is an asshole & I have NO CLUE HOW OR WHY PEOPLE IN 2017 SIT IN THE SUN FOR A TAN. I understand sunshine makes people happy & gives you Vitamin D, but I don’t think either are strong enough arguments to make me believe sitting out & baking in the sun is a good idea. I didn’t understand it in 2015 & here we are in 2017, still shocked.
Also, the sun is fucking hot & uncomfortable – the shade, with a cool margarita is where it’s at.
My spray tan story starts with stupid tanning beds. I hated using them but I hated being white more, so I fake tanned or sat in the sun – both of which my inner self hated, whether I would admit it or not.
Then, my tanning salon brought in the Mystic Tan.
I gave it one try & I was sold. I looked super orange, missed my feet, was a shade too dark, and had huge contrasting spots all over my hands, but I was fucking excited. The possibilities were endless. I still remember boasting around with happiness as a friend of mine from a distance was screaming “what happened to your feet!?”
From there, the spray tan machines only got better & I never saw the sun rays again. I’ll admit, my tan can be patchy at times, orangeish other times, but I passionately don’t care because that’s much better than baking in the sun w/no ozone layer as protection. Spotty hands? I’ll take it.
I even hunted down the one salon in Dubai that owned a spray tan machine & paid all my commissions to use it. I’m 99% sure I was the only person that ever used the machine & I knew how to work it better than the people that worked there.
Not to mention they were all local Emirates, which I rarely interacted with, so it created a very uncommon friendship as I walked into the salon with my legs & hair barring, no need to stop at the abaya closet to hang my hijab.
There were no men allowed inside & the women didn’t speak English – so one can imagine how those conversations went, being the only white girl asking to spray my skin “dark brown.”
The women all stood around the window when I boasted out the door straight into the car with Wafiq.
Eventually, I started passionately hating the spray tan mist in the machines. The thought of inhaling any product freaked me out, no matter how long I held my breath or how organic the product. I imagined my healthy blood-red organs turning…tan. When they wanted to stay red!
On one of my binge sessions with YouTube I started seeing hard promotion of Loving Tan. A tanning mousse that you apply yourself.
I’ve tried other self tanning brands before & have been super let down. Often times they’re patchy, one time I broke out in a horrible rash across my chest, and the end result never compares to the natural look the mist machine gives. BUT I was fed up with the cost & process of misting so I went out on a limb & ordered Loving Tan.
That’s where I am today – I don’t think I’ll ever change back to the mist. I’m 100% satisfied with getting my summer glow via tanning mousse vs. the sun or misting machine.
I’ve been doing it this way for over a year & if you’re white like me – you need to get on board.
Self Tanning Steps:
Shower, Shave & Exfoliate. But do not apply moisturizer when you finish in the shower, just dry off.
- Apply mouse all over the body with a mit. It’ll look a little patchy, don’t freak out, most of that goes away when you rinse it off. It’s the bronzer guide that shows you what you’ve covered, it comes off.
- Ask someone to help with your back, or attempt yourself, but don’t skip it!
- Use a fluffy brush to do your face. For a long time I used a super cheap one from Walmart – now I’m happily using this one: Here.
- Use a fluffy brush to get the top of your hands and top of your feet. Make sure you don’t miss any creases in your fingers. Anyone who spray tans knows the hands are the hardest part, so be patient figuring this out.
- Wait several hours. Either plan on sleeping or not leaving the house for 6 hours. I usually sleep in my tan, then shower in the morning. Loving Tan also offers a 2 hour mousse if you’re not the type to wait around.
- Shower & rinse off your tan
- Moisturize (SUPER important)
Should last 1 – 2 weeks, then re-apply! Forever!
Don’t be afraid – I’m not afraid of spray tanning & never have been. I’m afraid of the fucking sunshine. But I have a lot of friends who act like the only option spray tan can give – is to end up looking like an Oompa Loompa. I’ve NEVER had those horror stories happen to me. The formulation of the products these days has progressed – they know people don’t want to look orange & work hard to have a formula that doesn’t have that result. ( Very 1999 to think you’ll look super orange.) Start with a light color & you’ll eventually want to step it up once you see how sexual you become.
Have a spray tan outfit – It does rub off on your clothes & sheets but you’ll be super sexy once you wash it off so is it worth it? Yes.
Don’t give up – If you missed a spot your first time, who cares?! Try it again next week. The more you do it the better you’ll get at making sure you don’t miss a spot.
Put it on your face – I know we’re all afraid of putting any product on our precious faces but you have to tan your face. I usually put a shade lighter on my face than my body because I notice it sets dark. BUT you have to do your face because it’s like having permanent makeup. You really look like you just came out of the sun – no makeup needed.
I’m obsessed. As a translucent white person I’m incredibly thankful there’s a product that can make me feel like a bronzed goddess WITHOUT sitting in the sun. Once you try tanning, you’ll start feeling uber sexy with a JLO glow & you’ll understand.
Alright, anyone else an addict of fake tans? Let me know what you use & what’s working! If you’re new to fake tans, let me know if you have any questions, I consider myself an expert & LOVE talking to people about it, especially virgins.
Have a great day & be thoughtful…